Much Has Been Given

Pregnant With a Third Grader

2011-02-11T23:55:00.001-08:00

Well, as God would have it, it appears I may be back here after all. Yesterday, we began the process of adding another precious Ethiopian daughter to our family. She is 9 and has been waiting for almost 2 years for a family to pick her to call their own. She won't have to wait much longer. This all happened VERY fast and we are still a bit shell-shocked at the thought of having three girls and heading back into the oh-so-exhausting adoption process again, but we know God put her in our path and that she belongs in our family. If all goes as we hope and pray, we will bring her home to join her little sisters late this summer before the start of the next school year. We are in full "manic mode" right now trying to crank out everything on our end to get our paperwork to Ethiopia as soon as is humanly possible. The rest will be in His hands. So, we are now officially "pregnant" - with a third grader. We covet your prayers for Divine Intervention in the frantic paperchase. Details to follow.

Coming soon...Big Miss K.

Missing This Space

2011-01-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

Trying to decide if I've fallen so behind in my blogging that I should abandon ship. I can no longer rightfully call myself "a blogger" as that implies I actually blog. I still stalk many of you when I find 3 seconds to spare (roadtrips and iPhones work well for this), but even that is rare these days, and will probably get more rare with Kindergarten, a trip to Haiti and much more on the horizon. And still, I do miss this space. Hoping this year to commit to stopping by more often. For now, here are recent family pictures of two precious girls who get more beautiful every day .

Happy Fall!

2010-10-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

We are gearing up for the Orphan Sunday: Voice of the Orphan event that our ministry is hosting on November 7th. We have 16 major area churches who will be inviting their congregations to join us that afternoon to hear about the orphan crisis and how we can all do something to help. We are praying for the hearts of those God will bring to the event that they will be moved to respond to whatever He is calling them to do for orphaned children. We are also specifically praying for God to provide more donors for our community adoption grant fund that helps fund adoption of children by local Christian families. Related to that, we are praying that we sell a lot of stuff from our Benevolent Bazaar that day. We have brought in a ton of merchandise, the sales of which will also go directly to building our growing adoption grant fund. We would love your prayers in the week ahead. There is still much to be done.

Happy Fall from our family to yours!

At Least They Weren't Teletubbies

2010-10-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

It's not Photo Friday yet but I somehow have three minutes to post some pretty cute pictures so I'm going to take advantage of it. The girls recently attended a Noah's Ark birthday party dressed as - that's right - a unicorn and a Care Bear. Thanks to a sweet aunt and an ever-growing niece, these dress-up treasures were lying at the bottom of the costume bin and I was just too darn tired and cheap to think up something more appropriate, particularly given how much I had shelled out to Pottery Barn Kids that same morning for what will debut later this month as we go on parade around the neighborhood. (And no, I could not just have made something myself because well, once again I am too darn tired and I have no sewing skills. So, I pay through the nose. Enough said.) I told people at the party that we read The Message translation so we figured a unicorn and Care Bear just might have been passengers on the ark. I'm sure some of our more conservative friends may have found that shocking but, hey, at least we didn't show up as Teletubbies. It could have been worse. Plus, like I said, the costumes were free and they looked OH.SO.CUTE on the Little Ladies.

The girls also posed today for their first official "We Actually Like Each Other" picture without being threatened or bribed. They, of their own volition, snuggled right up together on their little kitchen stools and posed away as we prepped to make a batch of banana bread on a rainy day. I will treasure this series of photos. I hope to fill my walls with a lifetime of pictures just like these.

Funnies from Her Majesty

2010-10-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

Here are two funny stories you may enjoy from life in the trenches with the Big Bear.

Story #1
Me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Big Bear: "I want to be a princess...(*long pause*)... No, I want to be the mean king!"

My heart fluttered with pride just a bit at my little feminist daughter who has already realized she needs to be at the top of the food chain.

Story #2
(Setting: I had a frantic evening searching everywhere for what I thought was my lost phone. I had pretty much given up hope and was already bemoaning the pictures and videos I had never downloaded as I never sync my phone to my computer like I know I should. Not to mention all of the contacts that I had no other record of. As I was cooking dinner in the kitchen I was asking God if He might be able to give me a break on this one as it had been a bit of a rough week already. Super Dad agreed to go out to my car one last time with his Super Hearing to listen again for my phone which was of course on vibrate.)

*Enter Super Dad looking slightly annoyed and holding my phone in his outstretched hand.*

Me: (Grabbing the phone ecstatically) "Thank you, Jesus!!!"
Big Bear: "Mommy, why you calling Daddy 'Jesus'?"

Happy Friday. I hope those made you smile as Big Bear makes me smile each day often for no other reason than she is mine.

So Whose Kid Is This Anyway?

2010-10-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

We have been dealing with a lot around here lately. Our orphan ministry has exploded which is a total blessing but it also means that we have an event almost every week for the next several months. We are in full promotion mode right now for our city-wide, multi-church event for Orphan Sunday. The Lord has opened so many doors for us and brought so many wonderful people to join our efforts to get orphans on the radar of Christians in our community. We now have adoptive parents representing Russia, China, Ethiopia and Honduras working on our leadership team as well as some amazing families that are praying about adopting out of foster care here in the US.

On top of all that is swirling with the ministry, we recently lost my sweet Grandpa, a war hero whose love affair with my Grandma spanned 68 years. The day he died, I loaded the girls up in the car and headed to my parents' house to help with funeral preparations. While there, my mom and I worked for hours on a slideshow that showcased my grandfather's amazing life story. I went to bed at 1am the night we finished the project only to be awakened at 5am by a screaming child (this is always a great way to start your day). I went to Junia's room and found her screaming on the floor (this then woke up Eden who also started screaming ... did I mention I had had four hours of sleep at this point?). Junia had evidently rolled out of her toddler bed which is just a few inches off the ground (and the irony is she sleeps in a big girl bed at home!) As Junia is prone to drama at times, I put her (and Eden) in bed with me and got them both calmed down a bit. Junia through more tears told me "Mommy, it hurts to touch it." As this sounded like more than the usual drama, I turned on the very bright bathroom light (at 5 am ...) only to see a VERY LARGE bump where her clavicle should be. I then called poor Super Dad who had just returned to our house from a business trip to the opposing coast and who was also running on four hours of sleep to ask what a broken collarbone looked like as he had had one as a child. It was very clear at that point given my mad skills in diagnostics that the bone was indeed broken (being able to feel two distinct pieces is usually not a good sign). Given that my only other alternative was to sit with two screaming preschoolers in an out-of-town ER for 6 hours while waiting to be seen by some disinterested resident, I opted to throw my bedraggled kiddos into the car and drive (at 5 am...) the three hours home directly to the front door of our pediatrician's office so that he could confirm my diagnosis (which he did in about 3 seconds) and help my baby girl.

As I drove bleary-eyed up the freeway through the morning-commute LA traffic, I was thinking about a comment made by a good friend of mine recently. Keep in mind that this friend is someone we know really well, someone whose kids are friends with my kids, someone who is in our social community. She asked me if I thought I would ever want to "have my own someday". Now this is not the first time I've been asked this and I have learned to put on my happy face and self-censor a bit and use these opportunities to help teach people about adoption, recognizing that this is something very foreign to most people who define family by blood ties. That being said, I found this particular interaction more troubling than most because this is someone who knows us well. And yet, she still didn't get it. She still didn't understand that by asking a question like that she was negating the legitimacy of my children as "real children" - children that are "my own". She still didn't understand that God had forever knitted us together as family in a mysterious and amazing miracle, not unlike how He works in the miracle of conception. I left my conversation with her saddened. For all we are doing right now to raise awareness about orphans and to promote orphan care and adoption, it appears our efforts may not have succeeded in our closest circle. As I drove 80-plus miles an hour because my baby was in pain and needed her Mama to fix her, I thought to myself, "If this isn't my child, then who does she belong to?" Seriously, if you ask me if I want "my own" kids that implies that the kids I have are not mine, and if they are not mine, can someone please tell me whose they are? If they aren't mine I am certainly going to a fair bit of inconvenience and enduring a fair bit of life disruption for children that belong to other people. They certainly appear to belong to me when one of them wakes me up screaming at 5 am or when one of them grabs both of my cheeks in her small little four year old hands, puts her nose to mine and and says "I love you, Mama" or when one of them calls for me from her darkened bedroom and says in her smallish two year old voice "Mommy, I want you. Sleep with me, Mama." From all I can tell practically speaking, they are mine. Two governments say they are mine and more importantly God says they are mine and will hold me accountable for what I am doing to raise them. So, dear friend, please don't ask me if my precious girls for whom I have rearranged my career, my social calendar, my sleeping schedule, my bathing rituals, my long-term financial plans and, generally speaking, the sum total of all my life goals are "mine". It should be obvious to you by now that they are and it breaks my heart when you ask that because these children are as "real" to me as yours are to you. They are my life as your birth children are to you and no child that comes from my body will ever have more status as "my own" than these daughters born of my heart.

Amazed.

2010-10-03T23:04:00.001-07:00

There is so much I want to say right now but time does now allow (shocking, I know, since it's been a month since I was last here). I have to find a way to carve out time to blog as this has really been my digital baby book for the girls and I don't want to give up on this ongoing record of their history in our little family. Somehow I WILL find a way. I will find a way to tell you what I've been thinking lately about the umpteenth person who has asked me if I ever want to "have my own someday" and about broken bones -- two things on my radar of late. Someday I will tell you about these things but not today. I'm still trying to figure out how to negotiate two full time kids, a full time job, what has now become an almost-full-time ministry and blogging. Blogging has lost out. For now. I shall return though. Someday. At least you get a few pictures for now. Sometimes I look at my daughters and I'm awestruck by how beautiful they are. They amaze me every day in so many ways. Perhaps because they didn't grow in my body for nine months, they are still new enough to me to amaze me. I am still just amazed by how little humans work -- that they walk and talk and think and have opinions. No, I didn't see my little girls roll over for the first time. But I did laugh in amazement last week when one of them looked at me incredulously and said, "Are you kidding me?!" for the first time. They sparkle and shine in so many ways and I remain amazed.

The Longest Blog Drought

2010-09-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

So, yes, I have disappeared again. Thanks to sweet Jennifer who actually emailed me wanting to know what had happened to me! This is the first time I have had the chance to blog in literally almost 2 months. It's been quite the blog drought. We've been living in a tornado - albeit a good tornado. The only reason I have the chance to blog now is because we are away on a much-needed get-away weekend as a couple and Davis is out surfing. I will be out running in a few minutes myself but the lack of blogging has been eating at me SOOOOOOO from this quiet, kidless, B&B on the West Coast, here is why I have been absent for so long this summer - as told in pictures. More to come - hopefully in less than 2 months!

We went to VBS for the first time - and had fun with "Crazy Hair Day".

We took tap dancing lessons (and gymnastics - not seen here!).

One of us got a little older.

We got to be flower girls for the first time. Congratulations, Auntie Alisa and Uncle Jim!

We had a great family vacation connecting with old friends - whose families have also grown!

We got to see ...

... and do some new things we thought were pretty cool.

We played in some very cold water.

And we played in some warm water.

We were reminded that even as exhausting as preschoolers can be sometimes, being a family is pretty great.

One of us got to meet a very special boy we'd love to have in our family.

We had our lives touched and our hearts broken - again - ...

...by amazing and precious children who need forever families.

We watched in amazement as God took a dream for an orphan ministry and turned it into a reality, a reality much larger than we expected and one that has made our lives very, very busy.

And we ALL started school this year. We learned that preschool is more fun when you share it with your sister.

So that's where we've all been. Jennifer, I'm still alive - just trying to hang on living in this blessed tornado.

So you want to hear something REALLY crazy?

2010-07-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

It appears that I will be leaving for Ghana in just two weeks. An opportunity for our ministry presented itself that we all agreed was one that God had obviously provided. I will be working with several local pastors serving in an orphanage of 25 kids, all orphaned as result of AIDS. We have been looking to develop a long-range collaborative relationship where we can support believers on the ground as they care for orphans in Africa. The connection we have made for this trip may allow us to do just that. We are also hoping that our ministry may be able to play a role in helping find forever families for these particular children. It is going to be a CRAZY push to make everything happen that needs to happen before I leave. Super Dad is going to hold down the fort in my absence along with help from Gammy and Poppa. Our family would so appreciate your prayers as we take what feels like a HUGE step of faith. Our team has been asked by the pastor we will be working with to bring vitamins for the children. I will be traveling with three amazing girls from another church in town. We are going to cram as many vitamins as we can into our suitcases. We will also be providing monetary support to help feed the kids as the orphanage is very poor. If you have a heart for African orphans, or perhaps Ghana in particular, and would like to send financial support along with me, you are welcome to do so. We will actually be purchasing the food when we get there and driving it TEN HOURS (ouch.) to the village, along with a medical team who will provide the children with deworming, medical care, etc. If you feel moved to donate, feel free to email me at the address here on the blog. I will happily post pictures upon my return to show how your money was a blessing.

Thanks in advance for your prayer support. It is much needed. I am not the most spontaneous person around (it take me 2 hours to pack for a weekend away - at my parents' house!) so just jumping on a plane to Africa is a stretch, but it is a door that we feel God has opened so we are stepping through it.

Still not sure how I'm going to manage not seeing these faces for a week...

"Camping" Part Deux: The Promised Slideshow

2010-07-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

So I actually did it. Here is the promised slideshow for those of you who may find this remotely interesting. Please excuse the repeated clothing, bad hair and general disarray in these photos. Remember we are "camping". The girls got to see real snow (not the shave ice stuff that was delivered to the preschool for a California version of "snow day" last winter) along with A LOT of marmots at the top of one of the mountains we climbed (and I do mean "climbed" - up hill, with many -- many --switchbacks and a 34 pound kid needing to be carrying a good chunk of the way...made for a killer workout...next time your spouse asks if you really need two hiking backpacks, the answer is yes). Inspite of a grueling climb, the snowball fight at the top was very worth it. We also spent the best $14 of our lives on a rope swing that we tied up to a rafter on the deck (they are on sale at Target now for $10 - go get one!). The little ladies LOVED this and when they weren't rolling around in the dirt (and I do mean this literally where Little Bear is concerned), torturing the critters in their bug boxes, or smearing sticky marshmellow mush on Mommy's sweatshirt, they were often to be found recreating scenes from Tarzan on their swing. The girls also got to dip their Barbie fishing poles into the water for the first time. I can't really see Barbie fishing but apparently she does that too these days now that she has quasi-normal feet. All in all, good times were had by all. Thanks to Uncle Ray who was kind enough to entertain Junia on mornings she got up WAY TOO EARLY. We somehow managed not to hear her (see previous post about exhaustion) and he was good enough to take Big Bear on a brisk morning walk around the camp in the wee hours in her striped jammies, bright orange crocs and poofy pink down jacket. He also put his fine motor skills to work coloring Dora the Explorer. Pays to have a doctor in tow who is used to early morning rounds, especially one who excels in both orthopedic surgery and coloring.

"Camping"

2010-07-08T23:28:00.001-07:00

We set off on a grand family adventure over long holiday weekend taking the girls up to the mountains for our second annual 4th of July family "camping" trip with some dear family friends. (Ok, so we were in a cabin with a flush toilet but still...) We had a wonderful relaxing time. It's hard to believe we are starting to have "second annual" events with our little ladies. How time flies when you are having fun (or really exhausted all the time - sometimes we are not sure which is operating in our case). I had grand visions of catching up on my blogging given that we were supposed to have wifi on the deck at our "camp site". Sadly, the wifi was down last weekend so I continue to find myself further and further behind in my blogging life, having had numerous funny, serious, silly and sad posts rattling around in my head for weeks. I am realizing that you have to choose your platform to advocate for orphans. There are those who have amazing influential voices here in the blog world and there are others who are working outside of the virtual domain on so many orphan projects that we find our blogging personas becoming more and more ephemeral. There are also those Incredibles who somehow manage to do both. For my part, I just can't seem to effectively straddle the demands of the virtual and the "real" these days. I miss you, Sweet Blog. Maybe someday I will come back here and stay awhile. For now, here are just a few pics from our trip. Slideshow to follow...

(How stoked is my entire family - Grizzley Adams included - about the $1.00 poppers purchased on a last-minute whim from CVS?)

Congratulations, Big Blog Giveaway Winner!

2010-07-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks to friends near and far who entered our Big Blog Giveaway. We wish we had goodies to send to all of you who entered. Congratulations to Shannon Rapp who was our big winner. She will be getting her autographed copy of Priceless in the mail along with the sweet sari bag from Raven and Lily. We hope you enjoy them, Shannon. So exciting to hear that you will also have a pair of little Ethiopians coming your way soon! Please email me at the address on the blog with your address and I'll send you your goodies.

We are off to the mountains this weekend. I am REALLY hoping not to get barfed on on this trip. Junia has barfed on me TWICE on road trips of this nature -- once all over the back of my head when we still had several hours to go. Yum-o. Crossing my fingers in my sleep tonight.

Happy 4th of July to all!

The Big Blog Giveaway Is On - Enter Here and Now!

2010-06-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

And so commences the BIG BLOG GIVEAWAY. The lucky winner of this giveaway will win an autographed copy of Tom Davis' new book Priceless. Because I think great things -- like my girls -- come in pairs, I am throwing in something else that I am loving right now, one of Raven and Lily's recycled sari bags. The bags are stylish and functional and have sold really well at our We Heart Orphans parties. This bag will be great for taking your sunblock and your new copy of Priceless to the beach this summer! So here's the lowdown on how to join the party:

1. To enter, all you have to do is comment on this post saying you want this cool stuff and telling me how long you have been reading this blog (I'm curious!). Simple.

2. You can get an additional entry in the contest if you post about the contest on your blog. Make sure to tell me in your comment that you've done that so you get your additional entry!

3. If you don't have a blog, you are still welcome to enter, you will just have to come to my house and babysit my kids - for free. (Seriously, if you aren't a blogger, you are still welcome to enter. Just post a comment saying why you'd like to win and how long you've been reading this blog.)

The winner will be announced next Wednesday, July 1st, here on the blog so make sure to check back to see if you've won! If you win, please email me your address and I'll send your goodies your way!

Want to hear more about Priceless? Here's my review.

Priceless tells the story of one man being thrust into the dark world of sex trafficking where he becomes an unlikely hero who puts his life on the line to rescue girls from sexual slavery. Priceless is based on the reality that Tom has seen in his work with orphans worldwide and his passion for fighting for justice for vulnerable children is palpable in his writing. While I prefer non-fiction accounts of current issues like human trafficking (Tom Davis' non-fiction work Red Letters was hugely significant in our decision to pursue an African adoption and is one of my favorite books) and don't generally gravitate toward Christian fiction, I found Priceless to be engaging and a good choice for more of a casual Christian reader who might not find a gritty non-fiction title on this issue appealing but who would pick up a related fiction book. As a work of fiction, Priceless serves as a entry point to make a difficult and uncomfortable topic accessible. It would work well in a Christian book club setting as it serves as a conversation starter about a deplorable, and yet incredibly important, issue in our world today. Our orphan ministry will be hosting an end-of-the-summer book club event featuring Priceless that will cap off with a Skype conversation with Tom Davis. He will take questions from readers and share more about how we can fight to bring justice to victims of sexual slavery - many of them orphans -worldwide. In short, Priceless attempts to tell a story that needs to be told again and again and again until we abolish the heinous practice of enslaving and exploiting human beings. As Christians, we need to be on the front lines of the abolitionist fight against human trafficking as were our brave predecessors like William Wilberforce 200 years ago. I applaud Tom Davis for trying to rally the troops toward this fight with Priceless.

Blog Giveaway!

2010-06-23T22:46:00.001-07:00

This week, I will be offering a fabulous BLOG GIVEAWAY in honor of Davis' birthday! I will be reviewing Tom Davis' new book Priceless and giving away a free autographed copy to one lucky blog reader. In addition, I am throwing in one of our hottest sellers at our We Heart Orphans parties, a nifty catch-all bag made from recycled saris by our much-loved Raven and Lily.

These special people will be helping me choose the lucky winner.

Make sure you check back tomorrow and if you've never posted a comment before, this is your chance! No more lurking! Stand up and be counted...and win a great prize. Details to follow!

A Good Man

2010-06-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

On a day that calls for the celebration of dads everywhere, we girls in our little corner of the world send all our love and gratitude out to a man who gives of himself every single day to make sure that we are healthy, happy and safe. He is a man with endless patience, an introvert who somehow ended inhabiting a world with three very talkative women. And yet even when two of the little women in his world have used up his word allotment for the entire day before breakfast, he still finds the grace to keep on smiling and engaging with them about their misadventures. His grace also extends to obliging one overly-enthusiastic Mommy with Big Plans who seems to recruit him for endless projects related to our orphan ministry or our Little Ladies, often at a cost to his already-depleted reserves of time for other loves like fishing and surfing. And he has a sense of humor that brightens our days and allows him to laugh when his eldest looks at the gorilla at the zoo and says "He's hairy - like my dad."

He loves his girls and his heart breaks because of injustice - not unlike His Father. There is nothing more attractive than that in a man. When I collapse next to him in bed each night, I often tell him what a good man he is. As the cliche goes, those are hard to find. We three girls are blessed to know him and to be loved by him each and every day. Happy Father's Day, Davis! We love you!

Crafty Ladies

2010-06-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

We have some very crafty women in our family. And while I'm not so sure I'd put myself in the "excels in handicrafts" category, I am very grateful to have women in my family who do. For Junia's 4th birthday, she was blessed with many lovely gifts but her favorite - hands down - has been the new friend that arrived for her party with Gammy and Poppa. To give this gift context, I have to rewind to a time when I was Junia's age. My favorite doll was a huge rag doll my mom had made for me named Sunshine. She was as big as me and I carried her everywhere. She guarded my bed every night and proved to be a good friend for many years. One of my favorite things to do with her was to take the elastic straps on the bottom of her feet and strap them to my own so that we could dance together.

Now fast forward almost 30 years (ouch - hurts to put that in writing) and I have a little girl of my own who on her birthday pulled out her very own Sunshine from a very big box with her name on it. The most special part of all is that her Sunshine looks like her - thanks to a lot of Rit dye and an extreme makeover. I have teased my mom for years about being a pack rat but I will now keep my mouth shut. My sweet mom had saved faithful Sunshine in some box in the garage and schlepped her from house to house during many moves over the years. And now for her granddaughter's birthday, Sunshine was restuffed and dyed (many times and with considerable input from Poppa who stood by the sink saying "More red...more blue..." until he felt the skin color matched Junia's to his satisfaction) to create a loving cocoa companion for one much-loved little girl born on the other side of the world. She also now sports delightful corn rows that end in bright colorful beads. Amazingly, that well-loved fabric still looks great even after all these years. To be sure, Sunshine will be loved for many more years by a little girl who carries her everywhere and makes sure she stands sentinel as she sleeps. They've also been known to take a spin together on the dance floor in our kitchen.

Thankfully, another rag dog from the past also hopped in the sink for the makeover session Gammy orchestrated. She was refashioned into a little friend for Eden and Eden has named her "Ashley". We have no idea why given that she does not know anyone named Ashley.

On the note of crafty ladies, I couldn't talk about touching homemade gifts without posting a picture that I've been wanting to put up for awhile. My mother-in-law, aka Grammie, did all of the bedding for the girls' room before they came home including two complete sets of twin bedding and a crib set, all of which involved handmade patchwork quilts. No small endeavor. They are to die for. She recently gave us the final touches for their bedding - these amazing rosette pillows that took hours to make as each petal is individually sewn. We now have two little girls in "big girl beds" as Eden recently discovered how to climb out of her crib. Their room could not look cuter now that Grammie's completed handiwork is on display.

These precious examples serve as a testimony to what orphan care can look like. We all have gifts that we can use to bless children who are or were orphans. Within our own family, we have witnessed gracious, loving grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins embrace just two of the world's orphans using what God has given them - time, talents and treasure - to do their part to knit them into our family fabric. The same has been true in our larger "faith family" here in our community. I share that because I feel it is imperative that orphan care - and adoption in particular - be framed in terms of faith. As adoptive families waiting for children to join our families we can get so caught up in planning and reading and planning and searching the web and planning and ... that we forget that God is involved at all. Ultimately, when we choose to use what we have been given to love orphans through adoption, we are doing so as an act of faith in a God who loves. A God who loved each one of us enough to adopt us as His own. Yes, there is risk involved in adoption and it's good to try and be prepared for a variety of scenarios but the bottom line is that if God calls you to do something you have to trust that it is He alone that completes the good works He begins. Adoption is a good work and we are blessed each and every day to see how God is completing this good work in our family as lavishes His love on His two precious daughters that we are lucky enough to also call ours.

One Fabulous Day Turning Four

2010-06-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

I am finally getting around to posting pictures from Junia's big birthday bash. I'm not posting these to be one of those braggy bloggers who use their blogs to self-aggrandize. Seriously, I'm not. However, if I'm honest, I will admit that I secretly have fantasies of having one of my parties show up in Sunset magazine. I really love to throw parties. I am one of those dorky people who spends time before a party shooting pictures of place settings, flowers in vases and food on trays knowing no one will ever look at the pics but me. I guess I keep thinking someday Sunset may just hear about what I'm up to and call. We were lucky enough to have our friend Raya, who also happens to be a professional wedding photographer, bring her camera along to Junia's party. She shot over 500 images and got some really amazing Sunset-esque pictures of our fabulous day. I just couldn't resist sharing. Highlights of the day included taking rides on Smoky and Holly (two miniature ponies who joined us for the big day), eating way too many cupcakes, and trying out hula hoops for the first time. Another highlight was having all of the dads in the horse-shaped bounce house. Nevermind that their combined weight of nearly 800 pounds almost knocked the entire thing over and gave the Mamas a bit of a scare. Eden was ecstatic about the horses. We wonder if she is going to be a veterinarian given how much she loves animals. And Junia just beamed when her entourage of little besties from church gathered round to sing her Happy Birthday. Sadly, we ended up with a false start on the big song when I lit the cowboy boot decoration on fire along with the candle. Those stickers are apparently not flame retardant! All in all, it was a lovely day celebrating a lovely girl who has changed our world forever.

I was talking with another adoptive mom at the party about how things like birthday parties are different when you have adopted kids, especially ones with history like ours. We have little girls who by God's grace are now thriving. But that was not always the case. Our daughters are precious girls whose lives have literally been redeemed on a physical level. Not so long ago they were very sick, very thin and hungry and now they are dressed up in cowgirl boots riding ponies in their backyard and eating too many cupcakes. Yes, so many (far too many) more orphans remain but for these two little girls - orphans no more - theirs is a story of new life blooming. It reminds me a bit of the story of Lazarus brought back to life after so much sadness. When God redeems a life, you celebrate. And celebrate we did. God has lavished His love on our children and in that we rejoice.

We Heart Orphans Party and Our Cowgirl

2010-06-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

We have a We Heart Orphans party scheduled for this coming Monday at this great couple's house. They are a couple we have known since we were newlyweds doing high school youth ministry. They were both high schoolers when we met them! Now they are all grown up, married with two kids, and passionate about God's heart for orphans. We are excited to see how God is going to use this young family as an ember in our community burning with the story of God's amazing love seen through His adoption of all of us as His children and through His tangible love for the fatherless in our world today. There are probably going to be 20 people coming. Please join us in praying that God does a work in the hearts of those who are coming and that He brings exactly the right people to hear the message I will be sharing (pray for that too please!). We are blessed to know people like Kelly and Ryan who are putting their faith into action. We will be featuring the fabulous Raven and Lily at this party. This company is a wonderful supporter of women in some of the world's poorest countries and they are also now a supporter of our ministry to orphans. We are proud to be working in partnership with them. We heart Raven and Lily! Sophia and Kirsten, you ladies are amazing!

On another note, today's Rootin' Tootin' Cowgirl Birthday Roundup was a huge success and much enjoyed by one very excited little girl. More to come...

The Princess and the Queen

2010-05-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

This past week, I was getting Junia out of her carseat and said something in passing about her being my princess. I don't often use that language but for some reason it fit in that moment. She looked at me, laughed and said very frankly, "No, Mommy. You're the princess; I'm the queen." And so it begins. The story of mothers and daughters negotiating for who will be Queen in the castle. I laughed and told her "Honey, Mommy is ALWAYS The Queen." It has now become a bit of a running joke where she tells me in the middle of whatever we are doing "Mommy, you're the princess and I'm the queen!". This is followed by an outburst of giggles stemming from her sheer delight with herself and her fine joke. Shall I remind her that there is certain to be another claim to the throne from her little sister who is bringing up the rear?

In just a few more days, Her Mini-Majesty, the Princess/Queen, will celebrate her fourth birthday with a rootin'-tootin' cowgirl party complete with two miniature ponies for her and her little cowboy and cowgirl friends from church to ride on. Yes, the ponies are a bit much but I just couldn't help myself when I found out we could have real ponies in our backyard. It sounded like WAY too much fun for a little girl who loves horses and just two years ago didn't even have enough to eat. We are so blessed to have her in our lives, even if she is already engineering a coup d'etat.

Enough said.

2010-05-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Aviator sunnies on an almost four year old rock. Enough said.

Keynote Speaking, Outrageous Nonsense and Elvis

2010-05-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

I fear I am in danger of falling off Planet Blogosphere due to my lack of blogging of late. I feel like it is becoming the norm to begin my posts this way. The truth is that I have been so busy with things with our orphan ministry that I just have not had the time to get back here. I hate to have my on-the-ground work completely eclipse my ramblings here in cyberspace as my participation in blogging has really been instrumental in my entire experience with adoption and orphan advocacy. I feel blessed, however, to be seeing how God is moving in my local community for orphans and if that means some a few more absences in my blogging attendance record, I guess I'm ok with that. I'm hoping that as things slow down for me at work this summer that I will have more time to share about all that we've got going on around here.

This weekend was a busy orphan advocacy weekend for our little family. I had the opportunity to represent our orphan care organization and speak at an orphan care seminar held in an outlying town on Saturday. Davis also got to lead worship for the event. Somehow I ended up being the keynote presenter asked to open the entire event! I was flattered to be invited and given such a position of prominence but also a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of having such a featured role in the event. I couldn't help but feel like people might be thinking "Who does she think she is?", particularly other professionals who were there from the adoption/orphan care culture who could have probably done as good of a job or better than me at presenting on God's heart for the orphan. All that to say, I really gave the event to God knowing my own shortcomings were many and asked Him to move in people's hearts through my words. The presentation went really well and I got lots of great feedback from people who attended saying how their hearts were touched by what I shared. I guess I can't ask for more than that! With nearly 100 people in attendance, I can only pray that many forever families will be birthed from seeds planted at that event by all those who spoke. We also were able to sell some more of our fun We Heart Orphans products and made $500 at the event. We will only keep a fraction of that but every little bit helps with funding real adoptions here in our community. Part of what our ministry in doing is setting up a community adoption grant fund that will be open to all Christians in our region. The money that our events and We Heart Orphans parties bring in all goes to help with building up this fund. The more we sell, the more families we can support financially. The more families we can support financially, the more kids get homes! Part of our proceeds are also going to fund the great work that Children's Hopechest is doing on the ground to feed, educate and nurture orphans in Africa.

Today, we hosted our National Foster Care Prayer Vigil event at a local park. We had horribly high winds today and it was freezing (strange for us this time of year) so we cut our event short but we did have 10 people show up from various churches to lift up foster kids and those who care for them in prayer. We ended up going to dinner with one young couple after the event (who we have known since the couple was in high school!) who is feeling called to adopt. They are drawn to adding to their family of four by embracing a child from the foster system. They have many questions but willing hearts. Even though our event today was smaller than I would have hoped (I made 4 dozen cupcakes!), all it takes is one couple to give a child a family. If all that came out of today was encouraging one family to move forward as they give hands and feet to their worship, then it was worth it. We have two We Heart Orphans parties scheduled in the next few weeks and we are excited to see how God is going to stir the hearts of those in our community for the cause of the orphan. I was encouraged to hear that one woman who received the invitation emailed our friend who is hosting the party to say that this was the sign she needed to move forward in pursuing adoption. Evidently, it was already on her heart and she just needed a little push. All it takes is one family. One by one by one and we will find homes for these precious children.

I was inspired today by the lyrics of the song Fade With Our Voices by Jason Gray. Evidently, everyone seems to know it but me! I think it is profound. If we are to do anything as believers, let our worship be that of love in action. As The Message translation of James 2:17 puts it: "Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?" I love that. If we as The Church are truly going to be resonant in a broken world and change lives for the Kingdom then it's time for, as the great theologian Elvis once put it, "a little less conversation, a little more action".

Fade With Our Voices

Does our worship have hands?
Does it have feet?
Does it stand up in the face of injustice?
Does our worship bow down?
Does it run deep?
Is it more than a song
That fades with our voices?
Does it fade with our voices?

Lord it's you we long to please
Make our lives a melody
That we proclaim when we live in Jesus name

So if we raise our hands high
Let us also reach them out
And if we lift our voices up
Let it be the sound of love

Let our worship have hands
Let it have feet
Let it stand tall
In the face of injustice
Let our worship bow down
Let it run deep
And be more than a song
That fades with our voices

Mother's Day #2...and HIV/AIDS

2010-05-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

My how we have all changed in a year! Some of us are bigger. Some of us are browner. And life is good - albeit fairly exhausting a good deal of the time (thank God for oversized sunglasses!). As hard as motherhood is - and it can be really hard - I would not trade even one second of being Junia and Eden's mommy for the carefree life I used to lead. They are now a part of me, stitched into the fabric of my soul, by the God who knew we would need each other.

Sweet Davis tried very hard to make today special, including coordinating some very cute toddler handprint artwork and making arrangements for a special brunch at a favorite restaurant. Two smaller guests made the brunch (and the pre-brunch "let's actually try and get out the door of this house") a bit of a trainwreck but he gets a "A" for effort. He told me he had thought about lining up a babysitter so we could enjoy a quiet brunch together for Mother's Day sans the toddler tantrums that have been punctuating our days with relative frequency of late. He said he didn't because he thought I might feel bad if the Little Ladies weren't coming along since it was Mother's Day. I told him ANY TIME he wants to line up a sitter for brunch, lunch, dinner, coffee, tea time, light appetizers - you name it - I am in.

While the AM was a bit of a wrestling match, we did have a lovely afternoon with friends at a very swanky hotel in a neighboring town. This hotel is really fancy but there never seems to be anyone there so they don't really care what you do. They just assume you are rich and famous and should be catered to. Works for me! The girls and dads spent time on the putting green while the mamas sipped drinks under the shade of a tree on the green. It was truly delightful. Davis and I have decided it might need to be a weekly event.

On the note of things going on this week, Friday was World AIDS Orphans Day. This topic is close to our heart as the issue intersects with our lives in an intimate way. I had hoped to post about this on Friday but was busy with some event planning for our orphan ministry and just didn't get to it. (Are you going to be a part of the National Prayer Vigil for Foster Children? Join us and many others in just a few weeks!) Sadly, there are many children all over the world today who do not have mothers because of AIDS. At a seminar I attended at the Christian Alliance for Orphans conference on HIV/AIDS and orphans, the speaker, who was a leading AIDS researcher at the CDC (and a mom of 8 adopted kids, 10 kids total - and I complain about my workload?) suggested that orphan crisis and the HIV/AIDS crisis are synergistic epidemics meaning that AIDS is creating more orphans and many orphans in turn end up with HIV/AIDS as they move into adolescence. She indicated that the growth in the orphan population may in turn double the global HIV/AIDS population which currently stands at roughly 33 million cases worldwide. She also put out a frightening statistic that I have not yet heard saying that global orphan population, in a large result because of HIV/AIDS, now stands at closer to 163 million rather than the 143 million figure we often hear talked about.

I share this because on a day when we celebrate mothers, it is so important to remember that adoption, the amazing experience that made me a mother, is often birthed from the pain caused by much larger global issues, like poverty and disease. While I believe that adoption has always been a part of God's grand design, I also know that in this world we inhabit it is not The Answer. It's a small part of addressing a lot of broken things that need to be fixed, kind of like putting a bandaid on a really big wound. If we are going to pray as Jesus did asking that God's kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven (Matt.6:10), then we, as Christians, need to be on the front lines of doing all we can to eradicate the spread of HIV/AIDS. To learn more about about HIV/AIDS and how we can all get involved, it is well worth reading Erin's post on this. She is an adoptive mother of an HIV positive child and advocates for this vulnerable population.

And so on Mother's Day, in our family, we remember the brave and beautiful woman who made me a mother and made us a family through the gift of sacrificial love she gave to her precious girls by putting them up for adoption knowing she could no longer raise them. And in her honor, we say that we will do what we can to fight a disease that is creating so many orphans. As with the issue of sex trafficking, we must acknowledge that we stand at a unique moment in history, one that calls for us to say with the actions of our lives "Not on our watch."

This Will Make You Cry...And Call Your Social Worker

2010-05-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

It appears that, post-conference, I am now the most unmotivated person on the planet at work. I want to be working on my 8000 ideas for our orphan ministry (!!!) and yet I will be spending tonight snuggled up with 70 term papers (notice how small the dent in the stack has been...see previous comment about no motivation). Even given that I have tons of work to do, I could not NOT share this story that happened today as Davis was driving the Big Bear to preschool. Junia told him how she had taken a trip to Gammy and Poppa's house while we went on a trip to talk about kids who have no Mommies and Daddies. She then told him very frankly and out of the blue:

"Daddy, I would share my Mommy with someone who doesn't have a Mommy."

Talk about a tear-jerker. We both got watery just talking about it at the dinner table - and we aren't those "watery" kind of people. If that doesn't make you want to call your social worker (or hop in your green van and drive right down to her office) to start another home study, I don't know what does. How many more kids can we fit in that van?

Now back to work...

Orphan Summit Was Fabulous!

2010-05-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

We just got back from the national Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in Minneapolis. It was truly an amazing experience. To be with over 1000 people from 37 states who are as passionate about orphans as we are was an absolute treat. There is so much to say about all that we learned at the conference. I feel like my head is going to explode with all of the ideas I have for our orphan ministry. We also came home very tired after two very full dawn-to-dusk days of seminars. (Can you tell how wiped out we are in this pic from day 1 of the conference? We had arrived at 1am the night before only to have to be at the conference at 7:30am the next day. With the time difference that was 5:30am for us. Ouch.)

Sadly, I also arrived home today to 100 term papers awaiting my attention so for now, all I have time for is some fun pics of the people who made this such a special weekend for Davis and me. Here goes:

I finally got to meet my blogger friend Brandi who works for Hopechest. What a joy to meet this ebullient girl in person! I only wish we'd had more time to hang out.

We also got to meet Christina, another blogger friend and fellow Gladney mama. We were suppossed to be travel buddies to Ethiopia but our court delays meant that she got to pick up little Nate almost two months before we got to go get our girls. Christina and Jeremy were kind enough to take care packages to the Little Ladies and even sent us video of them during that difficult wait time. We got to spend a wonderful lunch together brainstorming about our orphan ministries. I also got to meet a few of her cool Texas friends. Very fun.

We even got to catch up with some friends from our own little corner of the world (about 30 minutes north of us) who were also at the conference. Jenna and I have known each other since college and are now both adoptive moms. We also went to college with the the President of the Christian Alliance for Orphans. What a small world! How amazing to be a part of how God is moving nationwide on behalf of orphans.

Another highlight from our trip was getting to stay with one of Davis' best friends from college and his adorable family. Jason and Heather Jo (HJ, you made the blog!) just happened to live only 2 miles from the church where the conference was held. We so enjoyed spending time with these dear friends who are also adoptive parents. It was inspiring to watch them pouring the love of Jesus day in and day out into their precious 11 year old daughter who joined their family of four (they also have two biological daughters ages 4 and 6) from foster care just 2 years ago. Challenges remain but they are so faithful. It was an honor to watch them parent. They also fed us really well - thanks guys! Davis also got to relive the glory days with a night out with Jason, Heather Jo and Jason and Elle, another couple he has known since college. A great dinner on the town followed by much laughter around a firepit on a balmy night. What could be better?

For all the fun we had during almost 4 kid-free days, nothing beat seeing my beautiful daughters run through the door tonight after their long stay at Gammy and Poppa's house. Being away from your children reminds you how much you absolutely adore them. I look at them and sometimes can't even believe how much I love them. My girls have taken over my heart and something is just missing when they aren't around. It's good to be home.

SOLD

2010-04-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the book Sold by Patricia McCormick. A friend recommended it to me and I couldn't put it down. It was in the young adult section of the library but I'm not sure why. It certainly is not light-hearted fare. The book was a quick read though and I finished it in one night (and I'm not a fast reader). In the book, McCormick tells the story of Lakshima, a 13 year old girl in Nepal who is sold by her stepfather to a brothel in India. McCormick's writing is poetic and paints for readers a picture of sexual slavery through a series of short day-in-the-life vignettes. Sadly, the story, while being a work of fiction, is based in fact - lots of fact. All over the world, human beings are being bought and sold like property. The more I have gotten involved with the orphan crisis the more this issue of human trafficking - and sex trafficking in particular - keeps coming up. If a child is an orphan and ages out of an orphanage, as often happens to children around Lakshima's age in places like Russia, how is that child, because that is what she still is at 14, going to survive other than to sell the only thing she has - her body? As a part of the Benevolent Bazaar our ministry hosted at my church's women's retreat, we featured a group called International Princess Project. They work in India to help women who are getting out of the sex trade by providing them with job training so they can support themselves - and their children - with dignity. If a mother can support herself with a safe job that feeds her family, then her children are less likely to become orphans in the first place. So really it is an issue of both intervention and prevention. Girls and women who have been trafficked are in need of rescue and those who have not yet been trafficked need to be protected from this fate by being educated about what is really going on when someone comes to their village and offers them a job as a "maid" in another country. Right now, Children's Hopechest is launching a program in Moldova to fight sex trafficking of young girls in this poor country. You can buy a necklace for Mother's Day that will help to fight both orphanhood and sex trafficking through Adoption Fathers. Proceeds from these sales will help support what Hopechest is doing in Moldova.

I am anxious to learn more about this important and tragic issue, particulary as it relates to orphans. Next on my reading list is the book Not For Sale. The bottom line is that something must be done about this. Innocent girls not much older than my own should never have to endure the horrific things that little Lakshimas all over the world do every day, powerlessly imprisoned in their own lives.

As far as it depends on me, I cannot let this happen on my watch to children who in essence become orphans when they are sold. Not as a mother of two young girls I would die to protect. Who is going to protect orphaned girls like Lakshima? It has to be me and it has to be you. It's going to take all of us.

To read more about this issue, check out my blogger friend Brandi. She's been writing some great stuff on this lately.

A Sad Story, a Random Story and a Funny Story

2010-04-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

We are gearing up to head to Minneapolis in just a few days for the national orphan summit. We will have the opportunity to meet some of our wonderful blogger friends in person and we can't wait! Since I have been MIA on the blog lately as a result of all of the happenings with our orphan care ministry, I have had to save up three stories that I have been wanting to share. Here goes:

1. The Sad Story. I was never - and I truly mean never - sick before we had kids. When I got so (SO) sick with the flu a few weeks ago, I decided that I had to go see a doctor. I ended up going to see a random doc that I had only seen once a few years ago. (Did you catch that? She had only seen me ONCE before this encounter; that will matter later). She diagnosed me with some random flu virus and a flare-up of mono and said that there wasn't much to be done as these were both viral issues. I was sent home and told to rest (which is really easy to do with two toddlers). Anyway, a week later she called me in person at home to check up on me. I thought that was nice given that doctors rarely do that these days. She then proceeded to tell me that she didn't want to frighten me but that multiple viral infections can be early signs of HIV infection (they can also result from exhaustion!). "I know your children are from Africa..." she said. I had mentioned that I was adopting children from Africa when I saw her two years ago. Nevermind that she had ZERO information about my sexual history (the main way HIV is spread!) and ZERO information on the medical status of my children. She just assumed that since they were from Africa, they must have HIV and therefore could have infected me. WHOA. I could not believe it. I proceeded to tell her that my daughters and I had had no exchanges of blood (did she need a refresher on how HIV is spread?!) and that neither I nor their pediatrician had any reason to believe that the girls were anything but healthy. Our conversation then evolved into something like this:

"Well, were they tested...?" she asked.

"Yes, they were tested multiple times and all tests showed they were negative for HIV."

"Oh...Well, you're probably ok then."

What was frustrating in this experience is the rampant stereotyping seen here ("all Africans have HIV") from a medical doctor. To just drop the "You may have HIV" bomb on me without ever having tested me - or my kids - and knowing almost nothing about me (who I am sleeping with or have slept with) just blew my mind. Needless to say, I am hoping to find another GP.

2. The Random Story. So, as I have shared before, I have become fairly evangelical about orphans and adoption. That seems to be a fairly common experience for adoptive parents upon their return from the developing countries from which their children originate. It excites me that I am now the "orphan lady" on town. It's a mantle I will gladly wear. Recently, I was leaving my gym when one of the trainers who knows I have adopted children called me over to the front counter where he was talking with a tall, blonde-haired, young woman in black glasses. He introduced us and told me she wanted to adopt in the future. I of course lit up and launched into my "adoption rocks" speech while also answering some questions she had. I told her that I'd be happy to give her my phone number in the event she wanted to talk further. I also wanted to connect her with our ministry. She put my number in her phone and that was that. I found out the next day from another trainer I know who also knows her that she is a hard-core porn star. Yes, you read that correctly. A porn star. She is training with the guy I know to lose weight for her next "film". So now I, "orphan lady", have my cell number in a porn star's phone. Not sure what to do with that one. My brother reminded me that is why you ask people for their business cards rather than giving out your number. Oops.

3. A Funny Story. It has been raining here lately. I say that to provide context. The other day, Junia decided after seeing some bathing suits at Target that she needed a new one. She is obsessed with the fact that she is growing and told me she is now too big for her old bathing suit. Her old suit probably still fits fine but I opted to humor her as a reward for good behavior. We went to Target and she picked out a very cute white suit with ruffles for $7. The next morning at 6am I was awakened by a little face right in mine whispering loudly "MOMMY! I need help." There in front of my sleep-filled eyes was the Big Bear with her little face squished into the leg hole of her bathing suit which was wrapped precariously around the top of her head. Her wild AM curls were sticking out every possible opening of the suit. She was adamant that she had to put her bathing suit on right then and there at that very moment (at 6am!) - even though it was raining. She ran around the entire morning in her bathing suit unwilling to be coaxed out of it for any reason. I somehow managed to get her to add her bathrobe to the ensemble for warmth. Look out summer, here we come.

Yes, I'm Still Here and $1400

2010-04-19T18:37:00.001-07:00

I'm hoping there are still some of you out there who read this blog. I haven't been able to get here for quite some time but it has been as a result of some really great things that are happening. We have been working after work every night until midnight for the last several weeks on a bunch of stuff for our orphan care ministry. God provided us with a fabulous (and FREE!) graphic designer (who is also a soon-to-be adoptive mama) who has done a bunch of design work for us including creating a really cool logo for our organization (thanks, Brittany!). In addition, two of our friends who just happen to work in photography and web development have been instrumental in helping us get our website up and running (thank you, Carlisles!). This has been no small task but it has been a total answer to prayer. Once again - the cost to us for this was FREE. (Free is key when you are building a ministry from the ground up and have a budget of zippo). I actually prayed on a Monday for graphic design and technical support and had it offered to us - out of the blue - by Thursday of that same week. Amazing! We've also been in major long-range planning mode for the ministry and have gotten several key things lined up for the months ahead. In May, we are going to begin hosting our "We Heart Orphans" parties in the homes of people who attend different churches throughout our area. At these parties, we will offer a presentation on the orphan crisis and share how people can get involved through prayer, sponsorship, missions, adoption and even shopping for the cause. We'll be featuring many of the same products we sold at the women's retreat at our parties in addition to a line of products we are developing to raise money for our own ministry and help fund adoptions here in our local community. We are building on the Pampered Chef style model that utilizes a grassroots person-to-person approach to build energy and enthusiasm for something (in this case - orphans!). We have been saddened to hear how many churches in our town aren't doing anything relevant to orphans as a part of their overall church plan but we have been so encouraged by the passionate individuals at various churches who totally "get" the importance of orphan care as a Biblical mandate and who are wanting to work in partnership with us. The invitations arrived in the mail from the printer today and will be in the hands of our first party hosts this week! I've also been burning some major midnight oil recently putting together a Global Orphan Care Bazaar for our church's women's retreat. I contacted companies and organizations that work to help prevent the causes the lead to orphaning and that provide orphan care and asked them if they would like to send me products to promote/sell to raise money for their organizations. It became a huge logistical undertaking but we ended putting out an amazing display of really cool stuff from around the world and the women loved what we had to sell. We raised nearly $1400 for organizations that serve orphans. I also had the opportunity to speak at the retreat on the topic of orphan care as it relates to the love of Jesus. I was anxious about how the presentation would go, wondering if the topic might fall flat with the audience. Clearly, God had prepared the hearts of those who were listening because the response that followed my presentation was amazing. I had three women offer to host orphan parties for us. I had people sign up to sponsor multiple children from the HopeChest program in Swaziland (9/10 of the kids I brought profiles for got sponsored!). A group of preschool teachers asked if they could have their children do a project that would raise funds/supplies for orphans and cap off the project off with a presentation for parents about orphans and adoption. Three women came up to me asking for some of the adoption resources I had brought and told me how they have had adoption on their hearts for some time. One woman from another church asked me to come and speak at their MOPS group. And the list goes on. Suffice it to say, I learned a lot about faith this weekend. I did not anticipate such an outpouring of support and left the event feeling energized about continuing to build our ministry. I saw this weekend how God really is moving in the hearts of His people on behalf of orphans. I was reminded again that it is ultimately God's work that is being done as we care for orphans in His name.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T22:18:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter from our family to yours! He is risen indeed!

Summit VI and Happenings

2010-04-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have several blog posts in the works right now but haven't been able to get any of them finished. I have been knee-deep in writing - and rewriting - a grant proposal for the orphan care ministry we started here in our community last year. I submitted it today and we are praying that if it is God's will that we will receive funding that will allow us to do even more to advocate for orphans and provide support to local adoptive families. I've been wanting to write an entire blog post on what we are doing - or rather, what God is doing - in our ministry. We've had some great events recently and have had over 70 people join our group on Facebook. We have some really great things in the works in the months ahead to raise orphan awarness, provide adoption information and help raise money to support orphaned children. I've been knee-deep in these upcoming projects too and am excited about what the future holds. More to come on that when I can find some time to explain what we've been up to! We are also excited to be heading out to Minneapolis in just about a month for the Christian Alliance for Orphans national summit. If you will be there, let us know! We'd love to meet some of our cyber friends in person.

It's strange to be "excited" about going to this event given that the only reason this conference is going on is because there is a global orphan crisis right now - one that has evolved as a result of injustice, poverty and disease, none of which are cause for celebration. Given that, it almost seems wrong to feel excited about going but I can't say I'm not thrilled about the chance to learn so much and be empowered in our ministry. Hopefully, if all of us do our part, there won't be conferences like this several decades from now because our work will be done. As we say in our ministry, we must keep on working "until there are no more orphans".

So as you can see, we've been busy around here. But what else is new? Lately, we've enjoyed...

spending time with Grammie and Papa who flew in from out of town to celebrate the girls' dedication with us;

taking a trip to a local farm where we got to hold baby chicks, milk a goat and try homemade goat milk ice cream (AMAZING!);

learning to fly a kite with Daddy;

hanging out with friends on sunny days;

getting a first pedicure - thanks to Gammy's friend who painted those sweet little toes for free (the Big Bear picked the brightest shade of orange you can imagine!);

and getting cool new shirts in the mail.

Have you seen these? If not, check out Lobsters in the Rough. The girls there are so nice and have such fun products that support orphan care. I know I'm going to do my best to raise a global poverty slayer!

Back from the Dead and Dedication Day

2010-03-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

You have not heard anything from me in a week because I have been about as close to death as I think I've ever been. That is a bit of a clinical exaggeration but I certainly felt like I wanted to die this last week. I somehow ended up with some terrible flu virus that basically debilitated me - put me flat on my back - for several days. Compounded with that was the fact that being so sick from the flu triggered the onset of a relapse of mono (something I had the pleasure of enjoying in high school; mono evidently stays in your system forever...yuck). Needless to say, it's been some good times for Mommy around here lately. No blogging. No nothing. Just laying in bed, shivering while wearing a sweater and scarf and being under a huge blanket in the middle of the day. Doing the aforementioned with two toddlers around also worked out nicely - as you can probably imagine. In the last day or so, I appear to have rejoined the land of the living and have finally gotten around to posting about the girls' dedication last week. It was a very meaningful and memorable time.

In honor of the one year anniversary of the Little Ladies being a part of our family, we hosted a special dedication at our home. It was an intimate occasion with all of their best little friends and all of the many "aunties" and "uncles" who adore them. Our friend Dianna, who teaches our home group, began the dedication by sharing about the significance of the girls' names, explaining who Junia was in the early church and what the name "Eden" means in the Bible. My dad then shared a wonderful message about how God calls our girls His daughters and He prayed for them that God would allow them to know their worth in His sight and the power of His Word. It was truly a blessed day and one of our favorites thus far as parents. We followed the dedication with lunch and a fun time of fellowship with dear friends and family. We played with pinwheels and bubbles, ate cupcakes and enjoyed each other's company. It ended up happening that everyone left right around the same time except for the Ethiopians. At the end of all the festivities, there were five little Ethiopians still ready to party. Our friend Ant, who is from Ethiopia, remarked that Ethiopians know how to party. So we did just that. We followed the dedication party with another Ethiopian Afterparty, filling up the blow-up pools and dousing the slip-n-slide for an outrageous water adventure. Luckily it was in the 70's that day. Even so, we kept having to wrap the kids up in towels to warm them up before sending them back out to the water. Eden just kept saying - as her little shivering face peeped out of the towel burrito in which she was swaddled - "More pool. More pool." It was pretty hilarious. We proved that day that Ethiopians do know how to have a great party - especially if water is involved. What a joy for the girls to have two sets of "cousins" - all adopted from Ethiopia - to grow up with!

Other highlights from their special dedication weekend included having both sets of grandparents in town and being given some precious jewelry - ID bracelets with their names on them from Gammy and Poppa (they are SO tiny!) and beautiful handmade charm necklaces with their initials on one side and a tiny picture of our family on the other (an amazing surprise from sweet Auntie Alisa and Uncle Jim). This celebration weekend reminded me once again of how God lavishes His love on us. God could have just given these Little Ladies parents and that alone would have demonstrated that He sees and He cares. But God is generous, He is good and His love knows no bounds. In His generosity and providence, He also gave our girls with an entire community of people who will love, cherish and support them for a lifetime. He didn't have to do that but that is how He loves - extravagantly. I am humbled by that and reminded too that I will never love my girls more than He does.

Photo Friday

2010-03-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

If I could collect memories and string them like pearls on a necklace, these would be two of my favorite baubles.

Unexpected Bit of Sunshine

2010-03-18T22:43:00.001-07:00

As a part of Gotcha Week, we have both sets of grandparents in town for the girls' dedication this weekend. To be sure, there will be much shameless spoiling of two very excited Little Ladies. Yesterday, the girls and I also arrived home to find a very unexpected balloon bouquet on the front doorstep sent to us from Davis' boss to congratulate us on one year together as family. I love how God knows when you have a really - I mean really - hard day as a parent (like yesterday) and sends an unexpected bit of sunshine to brighten your day.

Celebrating Gotcha Day

2010-03-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated the birth of our family with ice cream sundaes and milkshakes on a warm sunny patio overlooking an airplane runway, a runway that reminded us of flying "over the moon and through the night" to find each other just a year ago. Thank you, Little Ladies, our Big Bear and Little Bear, for turning our world upside-down - or maybe rightside-up.

Our Gotcha Week

2010-03-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

We are coming up on a big week for our little family. Yesterday marked the first day of being united with our girls in Ethiopia. We have been a forever family for one entire year. My sweet parents sent us this in honor of "Gotcha Day".

Given that we had such a ROUGH start in Ethiopia (feel free to dig through old posts if you want to read about us being covered in barf for an entire week), we have opted to celebrate the day we first set foot back in the US as our "Gotcha Day" this year. We were never so thrilled to find ourselves in the LAX airport as we were on March 15, 2009. On that day, our new life here at home began. In a few days, we'll be celebrating with the little ladies by having a special family date (Junia loves family "dates") to our small local airport that has a cheezy little restaurant where you can watch the planes land. We'll share some ice cream and talk about how we flew over the moon and through the night (if you don't have this great adoption story, get it!) to bring our precious daughters home.

Much more to come on this one year anniversary of so many things - bright eyes and smiles, lots of talking, fluffy pink carseats, mornings that begin WAY too early, lots of talking, wiggles and giggles, swirls of curls, did I mention lots of talking? and falling in love with two amazing little ladies. Our girls. Forever.

Speaking of amazing ladies, I just discovered, thanks to several blogger friends, this inspiring company, Raven and Lily. Check out what two motivated and talented women are doing to bring dignity and independence to the lives of empoverished women around the world through design.

Raven+Lily: EMPOWERING WOMEN THROUGH DESIGN from raven and lily on Vimeo

We are also thinking today about all of the families currently in process on Ethiopian adoptions who have now been told that new Ethiopian law will require them to travel to Ethiopia TWICE to finalize their adoptions. This will add thousands of dollars to many families' overall adoption expenses given the need for even more international airline tickets. No doubt recent unfavorable media coverage of Ethiopian adoption factored into this decision to change Ethiopian adoption law. It appears that there has also been a problem with adoptive families showing up to claim children they had already adopted in Ethiopian court only to end up leaving the chidren behind as they felt the children were not what they had agreed upon with the adoption agency. It blows my mind that people could/would actually do this and it is understandable that the Ethiopian government would want to keep this from happening by creating a way for families to have a "right of refusal" prior to finalizing the adoption. As I have been trying to encourage families I know who have been discouraged by this recent development, I am reminded of a verse that meant so much to us during our process, a process that was also characterized by many frustrating - and seemingly endless and senseless - delays:

"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

Adoption is ultimately an act of faith and it is God who can and WILL complete the good works He begins in the hearts of families who open their lives to His call to care for those in need.

Grieving With Nigeria - Again.

2010-03-09T22:11:00.000-08:00

Our prayers are with those grieving the loss of so many innocents who were brutally slain in Nigeria on Tuesday. You can read more about the massacre in the Christian farming village here.

We need to pray fervently for the African continent that God would protect the African people and restore to them all that has been stolen, broken, brutalized and destroyed.

"The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed." Psalm 103:6

Here We Go Again...Thanks, ABC!

2010-03-07T22:24:00.000-08:00

So did you see this that aired a few days ago? Yet another "be wary of adoption" story offered to us courtesy of our wonderful media in the name of "journalism". While this particular story does highlight some of the serious issues raised by transracial adoption (I myself highlighted an obvious one - hair care - last week), it focuses the entire story on one particular maladjusted young man and his documentary on the tensions in transracial adoption. I hate to break it to you, but there are lots of biological kids out there who feel disconnected from their birth parents and that has nothing to do with issues of race or adoption. Similarly, there are lots of very happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults who were adopted into families by parents of a different race. I know this because several are friends of mine. If news outlets are going to at least attempt to be objective and offer something newsworthy, let's hear their stories too.

Here's a story you might have been less likely to see in the mainstream US news media, but one that is hopeful, offering a positive view of transracial adoption and a sense of context that helps viewers understand WHY transracial adoption is needed in the first place (thank you, BBC). It's all well and good to say kids should be adopted by people who share their race and culture, but the last time I checked, there were not 4 million Ethiopians - or even 4 million African-Americans - lining up to adopt the 4 million or so Ethiopian orphans currently in need of support. I find it hard to see how living on the street, in danger, terribly malnourished, and lacking any basic medical care would be better than having a white mother. But that's just me.

Matching Apple Outfits - sparkly red tights added by Big Bear, boots courtesy of Little Bear. Well played, Ladies.

Injustice Slayers

2010-03-04T21:10:00.001-08:00

If you read this blog, you know it's always an adventure around here these days. The other day, Junia started drawing faces out of the blue. I never showed her how to do this and apparently she's quite the artist for 3 1/2. Are these the two faces she sees from me most often? I hope not or else I must be shocked or dismayed most of the time! I can find consolation in the fact that she did tell me these were "happy faces".

Lately, I do find myself dismayed - dismayed at the state of this world. What else is new though, right? I recently found the time to finish a book (**minor miracle**). The book, Little Bee by Chris Cleave, is a powerful - albeit very sad - story that deals with issues of corruption in Nigeria. The book revolves around an orphaned girl named Little Bee who flees to the UK as an illegal refugee. When I finished the book, I had that frustrated feeling of insulation-meets-ignorance. I told Davis, "I had no idea this stuff was going on in Nigeria." Sadly, I know I'm not alone and that Nigeria is not alone in Africa as a nation dealing with horrific human rights abuses that affect the lives of good people each and every day. Just today, PRI's The World ran a story about a bus robbery in Nigeria that involved 100 bus passengers - simple traders on their way home from work trying to feed their families in a country where that is very difficult - being made to lie down on the street while the bus driver was forced at gun point to run over them all and kill them. Man's capacity for evil is beyond comprehension to me sometimes and stories like this truly make me wonder what is happening to this world - my world - the world my daughters' will inherit. More than ever, this world needs those who will stand for the marginalized and fight for those who are being abused by those in power whether it be the child forced to work 12 hour days making bricks in India, the 14 year old girl sold by her uncle into the sex trade in the Philippines or the orphan who is simply left on a street to die in any number of countries around the globe. I recently came across a great t-shirt that I want to order for the girls that says "Global Poverty Slayer" on the front. I love that. I think the creators need to make another one that says "Injustice Slayer". I find myself inspired by a quote I read on a coffee mug the other day: "Good Women: May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them." I hope that I can be a woman who fights passionately and tirelessly against injustice and teaches my girls to do the same - battling for their world and the continent of their birth. I hope they grow up angry at the senseless kinds of killings seen this week in Nigeria and I hope that anger moves them - and all of us - to action.

"The Lord looked and was displeased
that there was no justice.
He saw that there was no one,
He was appalled that there was no one to intervene."
Isaiah 59:15-16

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me."
Isaiah 6:8

And So It Begins: Good Hair

2010-03-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Recently, we watched the new Chris Rock documentary Good Hair. In it, Rock offers an in-depth look at the black hair care industry here in the United States.

The documentary was birthed when one of Rock's own daughters asked him "Daddy, why don't I have good hair?" The whole concept of "good hair" and "bad hair" is one that, while apparently commonplace in the black community, is pretty far-removed from the lives of many outside of that community. While the idea of a "bad hair day" seems to be fairly universal and transcendent, the concept of hair that is by definition "good" or "bad" seems to be a significant part of the black experience, an experience that those of us outside of the black community do not share.

When we were in the process of adopting, we heard so much about hair as it related to transracial adoption. While I understood that it was an issue to be addressed like all others, I felt like maybe too big of a deal was being made over the topic of hair. After all, hair is hair - right? Wrong. I had one friend (who is black) remark when she saw the pictures of our girls, "Oh, they have good hair. You'll be fine." I actually heard that several times, even once from an Ethiopian woman who told me that we wouldn't have any problems taking care of them as they had "good hair". In many ways, these friends have been right. Their hair really has not been that big of a deal. Does that fact that I have to pick out and style not one, but two, little heads of curls add 20 extra minutes to our day every time I get them ready? Absolutely. We are pretty much late everywhere now, in large part because of those curls (and a million other things on any given day). But aside from the time styling requires, their hair is really not that big of deal to manage. I found through trial and error two great products (Just for Me Hair Milk and Redken Outshine) that I love and we just know that we will go through LOTS of hair product in our home. But my girls' hair looks great and I have never felt "overwhelmed" by their hair. I often tell people that it's really not unlike the curly hair of friends I know of other ethnicities. Their hair is just really curly - two little mops of tight ringlets. I think that their hair is one of their best features because it is so unique. I can't tell you how many times I have envisioned them as teenagers rocking their gorgeous manes. And then I saw Good Hair.

What this film reminded me of in a very obvious way is that my girls and I are different and the societal pressures for beauty that they will experience will be different from my own. As women, we will share the same experience of living in a culture that tells us we must be in a continual process of self-modification as we try to make ourselves "beautiful enough" by a societal standard imposed on us by advertisers and celebrity stylists (among others). But there are areas of divergence where I will not be able to relate to their experiences in our culure. Yes, many white women dye or highlight their hair (myself included) and do all kinds of other random things in the name of hair care (anyone heard about the $300 Brazilian Blowout we all just have to have right now?) but most of us in the white community don't put a product on our heads - sodium hydroxide - that can eat through a tin can in four hours and causes terrible skin burns on the scalp just so that we can try to morph our own hair into something that will be socially accepted as "good".

It is going to be hard raising girls. I have had concerns about this since the day we received our referral for two sweet little ladies. Our culture is fairly toxic to young women and girls but from what I saw in Good Hair, it may be even more toxic to black women. As I white woman, I feel no pressure to have the hair of a woman of another ethnicity sewn onto my own so that I fit a social model for attractiveness (did you know that a huge export from India is human hair...hair that is used to create the weaves that give Beyonce and many other black stars their amazing locks?) Good Hair suggest that this is a norm in the black community and that women of all socio-economic backgrounds pay thousands of dollars on weaves that in essence give them hair that can be tossed around over one's shoulders a la Farrah Fawcett. This is troubling to me as it appears our culture is telling black women that their own hair - something that is indicative of their ethnic background and heritage - is not acceptable. I can now understand why having an afro in the 1970's could have been seen as a political statement about reclaiming one's "blackness". After viewing the film, it made me wish more women felt comfortable enough to do what Solange Knowles (Beyonce's sis) did by ditching the weave in lieu of her natural hair - which is gorgeous on her.

The other day, Junia was riding in the backseat as we headed off for some family adventure. She said - totally out of the blue - "Mommy, when I grow up, I want to have straight hair." My heart broke a little at that and I thought to myself, "And so it begins." I told her how beautiful her curly hair is and asked why she would want straight hair. She had no answer other than to reiterate emphatically that she wanted straight hair. She brought this up again a few days later saying once again how she wanted straight hair. I had kind of assumed that since my girls have "good hair" (or so I have been told) that they would celebrate their gorgeous curls in the same way I do. Perhaps not. Why does she want straight hair? It's not like she's watching Hannah Montana at 3 so as to get the idea that she should look like her. As far as I know, Barney and Elmo (well, maybe Elmo) don't get weaves. The hard thing here is that she probably wants it because that is what I have. Mommy will always have the kind of flowing mane that society calls beautiful in its very limited definition of beauty and she will not. And that, among many other things, will pose challenges for us in a transracial family. It will be easy for me to tell her not to want to use toxic chemicals to relax those precious ringlets, but I don't have to live with them in a culture where they serve as a reminder of how I am different. Good Hair is a very interesting and funny film but also one that offers a sobering reminder that transracial adoption should not be entered into lightly. I like the idea that "all you need is love" but life doesn't work that way. My job as mother will be hard enough as I try to convince my daughters to reject all of the media crap that says they aren't beautiful enough. Add to that the additional challenge of having to help them navigate many social messages about beauty that affirm my ethnic heritage while ignoring or rejecting theirs, and I have my work cut out for me. Lucky for them, I think they are truly the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen in my entire life. It's just a matter of helping them see that too. As Stormie Omartian writes in her book The Power of Praying Parent: "One of the difficult things chidren must deal with are the lies that can come into their minds masquerading as truth." She goes on to say that if a child knows that God loves her and accepts her, that can radically change her life experience as it relates to seeing herself as a person of worth and value. She reminds parents that we are often the channel by which God's love is experienced in the life of a child. I know that I will spend my life praying that God will teach me how to love my children - beautiful black children who do not look like me - in such a way that they will see how beautiful they are in His sight.

How can you not love this? A 3 1/2 year old wearing purple skinny jeans with ankle zips and doing so with such gusto. Rock on, Big Bear.

Gracious Advocacy and The Fuzzy Grail

2010-02-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

I have decided that given my tendency toward fixation, writing something that is potentially controversial on my blog (even if it is my blog) may not be a good idea. Doing so appears to cause me to lose sleep tossing and turning thinking about who in Internetland now thinks I'm a jerk while also mandating that I spend WAY too much time checking back to see if there are any new comments. I didn't realize "That Friend" was going to stir up so many strong opinions. Just so that I am clear, here is a Cliff Notes version of what I was trying to convey this week. I believe that there is an orphan crisis in the world right now and that that isn't right. Yes, we can debate some of the global statistics on orphans, but we can't debate that there are far too many children throughout the globe who lack the love and protection of a permanent family. I believe that God cares deeply about the plight of orphans. Toward that end, I believe that there are many ways to meet the needs of orphans including prayer, sponsorship and adoption. I also believe that many Christians could and should do much more to defend and care for the world's orphaned children. In light of that, I think more Christians need to seriously consider how adoption could/should fit into their larger plans for family, which may or may not include birth children. I think all Christians who have the means and the desire for children should ask themselves "Why NOT bring an adopted child into our family?" and then prayerfully consider the answer to that question. Yes, it's fair to say that adoption can be seen as a "calling" but so is "love one another" and we are all called to do that. I want to see more of my fellow believers seriously explore the possibility of "love one another through adoption".
Enough said. I hope that was somehow conveyed.

This recent experience with attempting to articulate my feelings about adoption has caused me to think about what passionate advocacy looks like within the Body of Christ. I had no idea 10 years ago that adoption would become something that would consume my life. As a newlywed, I had no plans to take on orphan care on an advocacy level. A decade ago, the idea of even having children at all was WAY off my radar. I certainly wasn't thinking about becoming "That Friend, The Adoption Mom" And yet, this is now my life and it appears that adoption is the cause for which I was uniquely created to speak out. It fits my heart. It is my driving passion as I try to live out my faith in Christ practically in a hurting world. What gets challenging is trying to figure out how to fuse together passion and grace. I've always been really good at passion. Being gracious has been never my strong suit. "Just be sweet," I tell my girls. Sadly, that is easier said than done for me. My mother-in-law oozes graciousness in everything she does. Sometimes, I can't squeeze out more than maybe a drop or two, even if I'm trying really hard. And when issues of injustice are involved - forget about it. What does gracious advocacy look like? Is there such a thing? How does one marry the passion to speak up for the voiceless and make noise in such a way within one's faith community that people may feel convicted (hopefully convicted to action) with the ability to present ideas in a way that is permeated with grace and not judgment? Practically speaking, judgment isn't going to gain you any followers. Anyone remember that quote about catching flies with honey over vinegar? However, I'm not ok with not saying anything just so that people won't think I think I'm better than they are. Social agitators have changed the world for the better by being noisy enough to shake people from their complacency. My question is what does a social agitator look like today within The Church. How does she tell her story and get her message across to those who might "get it" if somehow empowered with the right information at the right time in God's plan? I hope that much like I have grown into motherhood I will grow into gracious advocacy. I will not be silent. I know that. But, I also probably shouldn't be so edgy sometimes either. I need to find that place in between. That place called "speak the truth in love".

On a lighter note, given that things have been a bit "heavy" around here lately, the girls recently got their first pairs of slippers and they could not be more thrilled. For some reason, Big Bear decided that she just HAD to have a pair of slippers. The problem is that slippers are out of stock EVERYWHERE where we live. I spent an afternoon lugging the girls from one discount retailer to another in pursuit of our "fuzzy grail" only to be told by a less-than-energetic teenager working at Targer that they only carry slippers at Christmas time. To which my it's-way-past-my-nap 3 year old promptly burst into tears. Enter Zappos.com. I love this site, especially since you get free overnight delivery and they have a zillion shoes, and thankfully, slippers. After nap, Junia picked out a pair online and we ordered them. She jumped up and down when her slippers from "the 'puter" showed up at our door 24 hours later. They both wear them ALL the time now. They want to wear them everywhere so we have to continually remind them that slippers are only worn in the house. Pretty darn cute - but what else is new. In other news, we are actually in process on working with Gladney to gather information for another possible adoption. I guess that is a step forward. We are currently trying to learn all we can about birth order as it relates to adoption. We have some concerns that our happy little life that we've finally got simmering nicely after a year of transition might boil right over if Big Bear were moved into a Second Fiddle spot. We'll see where all of this leads us.

"That Friend" - Part Deux

2010-02-23T21:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all who weighed in on being fellow "adoption freaks". Maybe we should start a club and try and sell people stuff.

Because I am a bit of a fixater, I have been thinking about this topic all day - particularly as it relates to respecting other people's choices. As one comment on my last post noted, "I think it comes down to being respectful of one another's decisions, not critical because they have made a different choice for their family." I guess what I have a problem with in the whole mutual respect equation is that I can respect the choices of another if I can at least understand the rationale and thinking behind the choices that have been made by that person. As a logical-to-a-fault person myself, I need to see the reasoning behind why people make the choices they do. Spell it out for me so I can see the world through your eyes and then I can move toward respecting your decision, even if it's not a choice I might make myself. As it relates to the issue of adoption, what I would like to hear from the loving, affluent (in comparison with the rest of the world, we in the US are ALL affluent) Christian families I know is why they are not adopting. I would like to hear the following case argued articulately: "We thoughtfully explored this issue and have decided we should not adopt because..." In those terms, it is - in my opinion - very difficult to make a case for why you as a Christian should not bring an orphaned child into your home. For us, it ultimately came down to that very question. We could come up with no good reasons why we should have some money in the bank, a roof over a heads and the energy and motivation to be parents and not open our home and our lives to an orphaned child. The issues that one could look to as reasons for not choosing adoption are many - "We can't afford it", "We don't think we can handle the issues that an adopted child would bring into our family", "We aren't infertile and already have children" - and the list goes on. Upon examining some of these "reasons", they start to look a bit more like excuses to me. There are some clear practical solutions that really do put adoption - thanks to numerous groups that support adoptive families both financially and emotionally - squarely within the grasp of most families. The various resources that are out there make the financial and "emotional baggage" arguments not nearly as salient. There is also a clear Biblical mandate for orphan care that has nothing to do with other personal issues like fertility or your own comfort. That nullifies another big category of "reasons". So then what it really comes down to is something more like "We just don't want an adopted child". That's the answer that, while probably most genuine, truly breaks my heart. God gives us direction to do many things that we don't necessarily want to do (or at least we don't think we want to do) and yet we do them. However, there seem to be certain things (like fighting poverty and injustice) that we think we just get a pass on and can be selective about in our obedience. I find that very troubling as the ramifications for our lack of collective action as The Church are serious indeed. And yet, it's hard to talk about any of this as an adoptive parent without seeming very self-righteous. "Look at us! Aren't we good little holy-rolling Brangelinas with our adorable blended family?" The idea that I might come off that way to others is incredibly distasteful to me given that I know God hates pride and arrogance; arrogance also never sells anyone on anything. We just talked at church this weekend about how Lent involves self-examination and confession of sins like arrogance which was defined in the sermon as "being overbearing, argumentative, opinionated and obstinate." Given that definition, I feel like I've stepped in it already with this post. What does this all look like, practically speaking? How can I respect your decision to not take up the issue of orphan care? I'm just not sure that I can. And how can I, given my own life story, say that to you in way that you will still see as coming from a place of humility, a place deep in my heart where I carry the burden of millions of children who have nothing, except maybe you as God's compassionate hands and feet? I'm not sure about that one either.

Maybe I'd better stick to trying to peddle mascara. That would be a lot simpler.

P.S. This rant is not meant to address anyone in particular. Rather, it's meant as more of general commentary on the state of how I see things. If you don't send me hate mail as a result of this post, I may even throw in a free eye liner with your next purchase.

"I find it exceedingly strange that any follower of Jesus Christ should ever have needed to ask if social involvement was their concern." John Stott

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." G.K. Chesterton

"That Friend"

2010-02-21T22:27:00.001-08:00

I was recently asked by a friend if I was still going to be excited for her and help with her baby shower if and when she gets pregnant as she is hoping to do soon. She was joking but it made me think about how I am perceived by those around me, particularly those in the mom community. It made me wonder if I have become "that friend". You know, the friend who sells one of the many home-business-based products on the market, like the new girl you met a church who you thought you really clicked with until she started leaving you lots of messages about the various sales she was having on eye liner and mascara, messages that made you wonder if she really clicked with you as a person or as a customer. The issue isn't so much what you sell, it's how people think you view your relationships with them. I wonder if my friends think of me as viewing every one of them as potential "target", a sale to be made for the cause of adoption, especially now that we have moved beyond our own personal adoption into doing orphan advocacy work in our community (more on that later). One side of me hopes that isn't the case as I would never want to push how I have chosen to build my family on anyone else. That side fully recognizes that God calls all of us to unique vocations and we should be respectful of the different areas where our unique gifts and experiences equip us to serve. The other side of me knows that in my heart when I meet loving families, I am always thinking about how an orphaned child would love to find a home in any of their homes. I can see the faces of orphaned kids I met in Ethiopia who could easily become the children of many people I know and love. That's the side of me that isn't so worried about what others think and wants to stand on the corner and bang my drum as loud as I can for the cause of the orphaned child until someone listens. "Yes, I've chosen this for my family, and frankly, you should too if you are about God's heart for the poor, the lonely, the destitute and the needy," that fanatical side of me feels like shouting. So I guess that's what my experience with adoption has made me - a bit of a fanatic. I will be happy (and throw showers) for my friends who give birth to their second, third and fourth children because I love them and rejoice in their happiness but part of me will be sad that one (or more!) of those coveted spots in an amazing family headed by caring, creative, intelligent, Christ-loving parents was not given to a child who had nobody, nothing and nowhere to call home. If you have the energy and the resources to parent second, third and fourth children, I just don't understand why it isn't a given that at least one of them is an adopted child. I wish I could understand why not everyone "gets" adoption but I don't and that's hard. Since I may already be more of a weirdo than I realized, maybe I should start selling mascara too.

CBS News and Feeling Weary

2010-02-18T23:30:00.001-08:00

If you have adopted from Ethiopia or are considering adopting from Ethiopia, there is a good chance that you have already had a curious relative or friend email or call you about this recent piece from CBS.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Sadly, this is not the first news piece of late that casts international adoption in a less-than-favorable light. In late 2009, a similar story ran on an Australian news network that detailed the sad and tragic story of what it called "Flyaway Children". In both stories, the adoption agency featured was Christian World Adoption. And, of course, who can forget about our friends the missionaries from the church of "What Were They Thinking" in Haiti who really launched the media feeding frenzy over "international adoptions gone wrong". I have been purposeful about not saying exactly what I do in my career in the effort to try and preserve some privacy in the Wild West of the Internet. However, at this time, it seems appropriate to note that my background is in media analysis. As a media analyst, there are many things that I find troubling about what I am seeing being broadcast into homes all over the country - and all over the world - right now. Sadly, much of what is being shown is negative - images of children and families whose lives have been shattered by adoptions that are characterized by deception, inauthenticity and pain. What is being shown focuses on birth families and adoptive families alike who have been manipulated, abused and mislead in a process that seems like maybe "it just shouldn't be happening". I can't help but feel like international adoption is being distilled down to being about the Big, Bad, White, American, Often-Religious-Freak, Often-Infertile
Child Traffickers who are wreaking havoc on the innocent around the globe. Now, as an adoptive parent who does not relate to the aforementioned labels, I find these mischaracterizations offensive.

In analyzing media messages, it is imperative that we ask "How is this story being framed and why?" followed by "What part of the story is not being told here?" In the case of what we are seeing right now, it is fairly obvious that these stories are being framed to suggest that international adoptions are suspect and should be scrutinized because there is enormous potential for manipulation. While there may be some truth to this claim, it is not the whole truth. It is also important to note here that the story is being framed from the "child trafficking angle" because that angle post-Haiti (and especially post-Haiti-missionaries) is very saleable to a viewing audience. It has intrigue, scandal and deception, and sadly some truth to it too. All the makings of good reality TV - something that has been proven to rake in the ad dollars for networks. The problem here if we are going to indeed call these types of stories "investigative" is that they fail to examine the multiple sides to this incredibly complex story. From what I see in TV Land, there are few, if any, stories of successful international adoptions where adoptive families are happy, well-adjusted, and over the moon about their precious adopted chidren having completed an adoption process through a reputable, ethical organization who made certain that birth families were well-informed about their decision and few, if any, stories of birth families who are at peace with the decision they made and often grateful to the adoptive families for their role in their birth children's lives. If good investigative journalism examines all sides of a story, there are some serious omissions in this current media offering. I am not trying to defend CWA as I am not personally connected to the organization so as to know whether or not the claims being leveled against them are true or not. However, I am an adoptive parent and the generalizations being leveled at the whole lot of us are not only unfair, they are just not true, at least not for the adoptive families I know.

Do we need more scrunity of international adoption? Probably. Anywhere that vulnerability exists, there will be those who try to capitalize on that vulnerability for their own personal gain. Look around the world at anywhere where the people are poor and desperate and there are those who seek to do them harm working right alongside those who are trying to make their lives better. Certainly, those of us that care about orphaned children should welcome any investigation focused on protecting these vulnerable human beings.

When I see these stories, I can't help but feel tired. I remember joking during the adoption process about how we promised that we weren't "bankrupt pediphiles". The entire paperwork part of the process was so invasive that we felt like we were constantly having to defend ourselves. "Really. We really are good people who are really trying to do a good thing here. Really." In some ways, I thought (or maybe hoped) that having to defend our adoption decision ended once our paperwork was finally complete and we were "cleared" as acceptable candidates for adoption. Now, it appears that we, all of us in the international adoption community, are on the defensive again having to help a CBS-watching public understand that there really are desperate orphans around the globe with few options who really need people like us. As we consider another international adoption, it's hard not to question whether or not we really want to sign up for all of the hassle again. And then I look into the eyes of my two little girls - MY girls - the precious children of my heart who I now need as much as they need me - and I'm reminded of why we fight on for the cause of the orphaned child. All of their lives matter and so we must not "grow weary in doing good" as we live our lives in the public eye. We need to tell our stories to anyone who wants to listen and has questions about what they are hearing in the news. We need to shower our adopted children with affection so that people who don't believe that you can really love a child that doesn't come from your body can see that a family in love with each other really can look like a Benetton ad. And we need to pray. A LOT. As I look at the global situation for adoption of orphans, it's hard not to note how many additional obstacles are now in place in numerous countries that are impeding children from finding homes where they can forever be loved and cherished. I feel more strongly than ever that we need to intercede for the world's most vulnerable children asking God to protect them from those who would seek to harm or manipulate them whether they be corrupt governments, unscrupulous adoption agencies, or individuals seeking to profit from the desperate situation these children are in. We need also to pray that God moves to remove the obstacles that are forcing orphans to remain orphans when there are families willing to provide them with homes. It is prayer and faith that can "move mountains" and it seems right now that there are some mountains to be moved for the world's orphaned children.

"Let us not grow weary of doing what is good. At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9

Almost Wordless Wednesday - $1 Hats

2010-02-17T22:22:00.001-08:00

I found these hats in the dollar section at Target. Could there be anything cuter for two bucks?!

Stay tuned for more coming soon on the recent CBS news story about Ethiopian adoption and the new Chris Rock documentary Good Hair.

Photo Friday - A Mix-N-Match Family

2010-02-12T22:46:00.001-08:00

Ah, the things you have to do to find toys that resonate with your unique forever family. Evidently, Fisher Price does not make a transracial family for their Loving Family Dollhouse. Good thing you can order both the "black" and the "white" families and then mix and match. Not sure what you are supposed to do if you happen to be Asian or Latino as they don't even offer those ethnicities. I guess Fisher Price thinks the world really is that black and white.

Mothers, Invisible Chords and "Snow Day"

2010-02-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't get back to the blog in a day as I had hoped but I did get back here and that is saying something these days. We've got a lot going on around here including some extra projects at work (me), bronchitis acquired from small children that seems to have taken up permanent residence in a certain person's lungs (Davis) and Valentine's Day at preschool tomorrow for Junia. She'll be decked out in pink and armed with valentines that you can plant in the ground and watch grow. (Thank you, Target, for an educational, eco-friendly non-Miley Cyrus Valentine's Day offering this year). We are also gearing up for an event with our inter-church orphan advocacy organization that we started after Orphan Sunday last year. We will be hosting a "We Heart Orphans" Family Day at a popular local outdoor venue that will bring together individuals and families in our community who are passionate about God's heart for orphans. We are really excited about how God is building a committed community in our region around the issue of orphan care.

A few things have happened lately that have felt very Mom-ish and have caused me to think a lot about being a mom, especially as I come up on my one year anniversary of life in Mamaland. Last night, I went to an informational meeting at Junia's preschool about Kindergarten readiness. Even though she won't start Kindergarten for another year and a half, as a chronic nerd, I was eating it all up, asking too many dorky questions and taking copious notes. I have no plans to become one of these parents (check out the article if you have not yet heard the buzz about The Myth of the Gifted Child) but I do feel as if I am to be a good steward of the precious minds God has entrusted to us and I want to do all I can toward that end. I was pleased to learn that we haven't screwed up our girls too much yet. I think so often about how smart they are and how they would probably be so much smarter with a different mom. You know one of those I-am-totally-fulfilled-as-a-human-being-because-I-am-a-mom women with the graceful perma-grin who never snaps at her kids as she creates their personalized life lesson plans and grows her own food. She also isn't bothered by how her kids trash her car with crumbs and other disgusting things and she wouldn't even consider leaving her kids in the germ-infested childcare at the gym so she can eek out 45 minutes on a treadmill. Her kids also have no idea who Elmo and Barney are. As you may have guessed, I am not that mother and hopefully that isn't too much of bummer for my kids.

What I have found over my almost-year of Mom-ing, it that you feel inadequate a fair bit of the time and that inadequacy is compounded when you compare yourself with other mothers. Some moms are very open in sharing and laughing about their areas of incompetence while others seem to have so much of their identity wrapped up in the title and role of "Mom" that they need to tell you how good they are at what they do and how extraordinary their kids are. I relate very well to first group of moms and want to run and hide from the second group. As a new mom, I've not found myself to be a huge fan of what I would call "Mom books", even though I have been given many by many thoughtful gift-givers. Most just don't speak to my unique life story as a woman and mother and I find most of them to be incredibly cheezy. However, I did find a nugget in one of the more badly-titled ones that really resonated with me. I am a self-acknowledged perfectionist who is also very self-reflective. Hence, I am always trying to improve in the pursuit of excellence. This makes being a mother of small children challenging for many, many reasons. Not the least of which is wanting to be a really good mom while also being very aware of the many ways I fall short of this goal. I know what I'm good at as a mom (some stuff) and I know what I'm not good at (more stuff here). For example, I can confidently say that I excel in dressing my children. I really do. They look pretty amazing just about any old time thanks to my handiwork. Now, can they read already at 2 and 3? No. Do I have grand plans for home schooling? Not a chance. Do I ooze nurturing? Rarely. But they do look fabulous. I'm also really good with the logistics of being a mom (hence the valentines that were purchased a month ago and great clothes bought on sale now to be worn next year). Beyond that, I can't say I feel like a Shining Star Mom every day when I wake up. Bottom line is that I compare myself with other moms as I try to gauge my own efficacy as a mom. In the book I mentioned, the author suggests that when we compare ourselves with one another as mothers we either come up short or become prideful, both of which are self-destructive. She writes: "Once I stopped comparing myself to my friends and accepted them for who they were - their strengths and weaknesses - I began to relax in my parenting...Separately, my friends and I were far from perfect. But when we used our strengths to help each other, our [collective] parenting came a little closer to perfection...God never intended us to parent in isolation. It saddens Him when we do. And it saddens Him when we push another person up on the "perfect parent" pedestal just because they are gifted in an area where we are not...Slapping the "perfect parent" label on anyone is injustice to you and to the person you label." I really appreciate the author's wisdom here and I hope to someday feel at home in my own skin as a mom with my own unique story. I also hope that by keeping myself connected with the other amazing moms I am blessed to know who love me and love my kids, I too will become a little more amazing as we raise our kids together.

In addition to thinking about my own experience as a mom, I've been thinking about birthmothers. I recently spoke at an adoption event and shared our story as well as some broader thoughts on God's heart for orphan care and adoption. The evening included a variety of speakers including a birth mother (a woman who had given up a child for adoption at 19; she's now in her 30's with 4 kids) and woman who was adopted as an infant and later went on to meet her birth mother at 29 (she's in her 40's now). What I found striking in both of the stories these women shared was the ways in which they described what almost seems like an invisible line that forever connects birth children to their birth parents, regardless of if this connection is desired or not by either party. The birth mother who spoke talked about years of feeling like something was missing in her life, only to realize later that what was missing was the child she gave up. She also shared about a serious medical condition that ran in the birth father's family and was later discovered in the biological daughter she had given up for adoption. The woman who shared from the perspective of an adoptive child talked about meeting her birth mother and noting some obvious physical and personality traits she shared with her birth mother, who was, upon their first meeting, at total stranger to her. One of the most obvious things she noticed happened when her birth mother got up to go to the restroom at the restaurant where they first met. As she walked away from the table, her daughter couldn't help but see that they had the exact same distinctive rear end.

As I listened to all of this, I couldn't help but feel sad as I reflected on my own daughters' experience. When teachers comment about how bright the girls are, I often think to myself "Was she smart?" When Junia gets hysterical and laughs so loud that its scrunches up her little nose, I wonder "Did she do that? Did she love to laugh like that?" When I watch Eden run, and she is SO FAST, I wonder "Was she an amazing athlete like that?" Thankfully, we have been blessed with a great deal of family history about our girls - more than many adoptive families - but what we have will never be complete and I grieve that. What I grieve even more is that I know my girls will someday ask these same questions as they try to trace back that invisible line to the woman who gave them life. I don't want their sweet hearts to hurt as they try to make sense of who they are without that biological anchor, but I am naive to think there won't be pain later on in life that results from the fact that I, and not another, am their mother. I pray that God will give them wholeness someday in knowing that they were dearly loved by the women in their lives to whom they are tied by invisible chords - chords that are forever tied to the body and chords that are fiercely anchored to the heart.

Just to rub it in: Here is what "snow day" looks like at Junia's preschool. The "snow" had to be trucked in from a local ice rink and most of the kids didn't have anything close to "snow gear", so they went sledding in stretch pants, some without mittens. My kind of winter...

"Winter"

2010-02-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking again. That always seems to end up leading to a long blog post but apparently not tonight. Now that I have finished cleaning up from bath time and gone to back to Target to dig through the one dollar bins to find one more gift for Junia's Valentine's Day party at preschool (note: breaking one of the gifts you purchased some time ago to avoid the V-Day chaos is not a good plan, especially if you bought the exact amount for your child's classmates) and did about a zillion other things - including catching up on work - I just don't have it in me. I hope to show up here again tomorrow with something thoughtful. For now, here are some fun pics from a lazy Sunday. This is what our "winter" looks like. Also, how cute is this enormous hair clip I found for the Big Bear? You can rock some pretty fantastic stuff with a mop of shiny black ringlets.

A Smile and More On Haiti

2010-02-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

With all that is going on in the world right now, we could all use a little something to make us smile. It's pretty hard not to smile when a precocious 3 1/2 year old comes down the hall in her jammies adorned in a tutu, high heels and crazy hat. It's also hard not to smile when she asks you to take her picture and then tells her baby to make sure to smile if she wants to get some frozen yogurt later. Pretty charming for a kid who just yesterday had a chest x-ray because she can't seem to stop wheezing, even with antibiotics to fight the boogers that seem hell bent on world domination. It appears that this spunky little lady has been bebopping along, happy as can be, with pneumonia (thankfully it's very mild). The hippie in me wishes the little ladies were living life au natural but right now the realist in me in pretty thankful for strong drugs.

For those of you that are following orphan crisis in Haiti and the huge fiasco caused by "The Ill-Informed American Do-gooders" (sounds like a great name for a band to me), you may want to check out this week's story from Here and Now that features a woman from Save the Children. Also worth checking out are Randy Boehler's and The Howertons' (adoptive parents of a Haitian child brought to the US after the earthquake) comments on Unicef's role in the current situation.

Do your best to find something to smile about today and maybe later you'll get some frozen yogurt out of it.

What Were They Thinking?!

2010-01-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

I'm annoyed today. Really annoyed. Several of my poor girlfriends have already been subjected to my impassioned rant about the recent situation in Haiti that left 10 Baptists charged with child trafficking for attempting to put 33 Haitian children (some of whom were not even orphans) on a bus and take them to the Dominican Republic without the paperwork or the authority to remove the children from the country. Now, thanks to some big-hearted people who failed to do the most basic of homework on Haitian law, the Haitian government will be looking at foreign adoption with an even more severe lens. And perhaps, rightly so. I honestly have no idea what these people were thinking. The fact that they thought they could just fly into another sovereign nation, find some kids in need and exit the country with them is mind-boggling to me (can you imagine if someone did this in the United States?!). If you haven't read the full story yet, you can read it on ABC News. CBS also covered the story:

Watch CBS News Videos Online

It seems like just about everybody is covering the story (there is even a story on a leading Islamic news website) and the images being broadcast around the globe are not good ones. They are images of what appear to be rich, arrogant, white people "stealing" darker skinned children - images that reek of centuries of imperialism around the world. What this group did was inexcusable in my opinion, regardless of their intentions. International adoption is complicated, even when natural disasters are not involved, and a certain sensitivity and even delicacy is required. What this group did, whether they meant to or not, was send a message that said, "We think we are better than you, so we will disregard your laws, because we think we know what is best for your children." As I have written before, international adoption is not the first or even the best solution in many of the crisis situations across the globe. Taking children from their culture to be raised in another country by people who do not look like them and do not share their history - even if they really, really, really love them (as we do our precious daughters) - is less than ideal. International adoption is a means by which God is able to bring redemption to broken situations, but it is not an ideal scenario. It is a scenario that grows out of many things in many larger systems being broken. Ideally, birth parents and biological families should be able to and want to raise their own children. It breaks my heart to read stories like this coming out of Haiti right now where parents are trying to decide which child they are going to give away for foreign adoption because the situation is so bad there now that they think entrusting their children to total strangers may be their only hope. Rather than take these children from their parents, we should first do everything in our power to get them tents and water and food and medicine NOW, and then work on rebuilding their city, and then focus on rehabilitating their country and then - and only then - should we talk about whether or not foreign adoption is a necessary last alternative. I, like many adoptive parents I know, am getting lots of questions right now about Haitian adoption. It almost feels like saying you are thinking about adopting from Haiti is THE cool thing to do. One adoptive mom I know told me she was asked, "How do I go and get one of those (referring to a Haitian orphan)?". That is a big-hearted question but it is the wrong question right now and it demonstrates a true lack of understanding of the multiplicity of variables involved in foreign adoption. International adoption is messy for many reasons, as you learn very quickly once you take on a project of this nature. I'm all for adoption becoming more popular provided that those who are now turning to adoption for humanitarian or faith-based reasons are well-informed, rather than just driven by the emotions of watching a lot of CNN. If we are going to go out into a hurting world bearing the name "Christian", let us be cautious. When we go into other countries in sensitive situations like this one and do so openly in Jesus' name, we have the obligation to make sure that we are acting in ways that are respectful of the cultures in which we are attempting to minister and be "helpful". This means making sure that we are informed and acting above reproach. In this case, this group demonstrated minimal effort to gather basic information about Haitian law and their actions are now going to effect others who have been working within the law to help get these kids into safe situations in legal and ethical ways that prevent children from being exploited. What this group did was misguided, particularly in a country where the potential for child trafficking is very real.

Follow-Up: Since last night's post, this has been filed by the AP. Note that the individuals charged lacked "any significant experience with Haiti, international charity work or international adoption regulations." Let me reiterate: What were they thinking?!

Photos for Friday: It's So Difficult...

2010-01-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

...having such a painfully introverted child. How ever will we draw her out of her shell?!

Yes, it may be difficult having a child with chronic "faucet nose" but as my Southern friend says "she is so cute, you just want to sop her up with a biscuit".

The Pacer

2010-01-26T16:03:00.000-08:00

It has been a very busy few days around here. This past weekend I ran my first half-marathon thanks to my best friend from high school who got pregnant unexpectedly and needed someone to fill her spot. Given that I have two toddlers, I had done no additional training for this outside of my normal workout regimen. I am happy to say that I actually did really well, finishing quite a bit faster than I had expected. The fact that I can be ridiculously competitive with total strangers (this is a by-product of my "Type A-ness") actually served me well in a race environment. Once the gun went off, I found a woman in the wave ahead of me who had really great legs and a serious looking running watch. I told myself that she was not going to cross the finish line without me and for 10 miles I didn't let her out of my sight. I stayed close behind, even stopping to drink only when she did. Come mile 10, I realized that I was only 3 miles from the finish line. At that point, 3 miles felt like nothing. I knew that I could run those last three miles no matter how much that right hip and left knee hurt so I bid my running mate (who probably thought I was a creepy stalker by then) adieu and let her eat my dust, running as fast as I could to the finish line. (:

The whole experience got me thinking about adoption. There are a lot of parallels with doing something gruelling like competitive racing and adopting (which as a process can also be nothing short of gruelling). I finished the race because I found a pacer. I found someone who was a little further ahead of me, running just a little bit faster than I might normally run. I found someone who had a little more confidence than I did, because she probably had a bit more experience than I did - and I followed her. And having her to follow made all the difference. This is why those of us who have adopted need to share our stories. The process can be so daunting (much like mile 10) but when you can keep your eyes on someone ahead of you who knows the course, you can muster up enough hope and faith to take the steps needed to cross the finish line. We had pacers in Shelley and Dan. This couple dared to open up their home to a precious Ugandan orphan, having minimal resources and a house full of kids already. We watched them and in some ways followed them along the course, especially in the early stages. We have now crossed the finish line and are hopefully helping others as pacers. We as members of the larger adoptive community need each other in this way. We need to share our stories so others can finish the journey too and God can create forever families. Ultimately, we are also all following Christ's lead as the master pacer who encourages us to do "all things" (even marathons and adoptions) through Him who gives us the strength we don't think we have to endure.

I'm really glad I did the race as I had always wanted to do some competitive running but just never got around to it even though I've been running forever. I wanted to do a race this year and my birthday is this week. I guess that's one thing I can check off on my list this year (along with "Leave carefree yuppie life behind and become a mom to two toddlers from another country"). As I reflect back on the year, it's hard not to be acutely aware of how much my life has changed. Allow me to provide just one story by way of illustration. When we left for the race, we were of course running late and I was questioning why I was even bothering to do this given how much hassle things that used to be easy (hop in the car, go somewhere and run) are now. We were not 20 minutes out of town when Big Bear - and I am not exaggerating here, I thought she hit me in the head with something - projectile vomited all over the back of my seat and me. It's also worth pointing out here that the very same laptop on which I now type was put in the seat pocket on the back of my seat for "safe keeping". We had to pull the car over at a random Target off the freeway, strip Junia down, wipe the barf off of her, her clothes, her carseat, my seat, the floor, the laptop, and did I mention my hair? Thankfully, Davis managed to find some wipes at Target that took out most of the smell so we were able to endure the rest of the drive to our destination. Let's just say that cough syrup, cottage cheese and car sickness probably don't mix. The crazy part of it all was that by the time we got to my parents' house where we were staying the night before the race and got the kids bathed and fed, I was so dog tired that I honestly had the following thoughts in my head: "My hair doesn't really smell THAT bad, does it? (*actually sniff hair here to test odor*) I mean, there wasn't THAT much barf in it and it's not really even hard anymore. Do I really need to wash it now or can I wait until after the race?" So this is now my life, one where there are actually varying degrees of "barf grossness", and life is good.

Next year when I run this, I want to run for Heart for Africa. It was so cool to see runners wearing Heart for Africa shirts during the race and to see a big tent hosted by the organization to raise funds for Swaziland at the post-race festivities. I guess that means there will be a "next year". I only wish I knew for certain if there was another adoption race in our future. Thankfully, God knows and hems us in both in front and in back, placing His hand upon us as we seek to follow His will. I know that when the time is right to step out again, we will both know it as we did in our race to Junia and Eden. Hey, at least on round two, we'll have had almost a year's worth of training. That's got to count for something, right?

Thanks to Gammy who yet again gets the award for fun fashion finds for the little ladies. Loving these race day hats.

Why I May Resign

2010-01-20T16:34:00.000-08:00

The brave JuneBug survived her big dental procedure today. Luckily, she ended up not needing a root canal. Our wonderful dentist was able to dig out all the decay and fill the tooth without having to go as deep as the root. I will say, though, that if I have to be the one to take this sweet child to one more event that ends up causing her pain and leaves her screaming and crying (shots, absesses that need to be lanced, skin infections that have to be cut out), I may just resign. If being a mom means you protect your child from suffering to the best of your ability, it's hard not to feel derelict in your duty on days like these. This is one of the less-than-fun side effects of a having a child whose earliest moments in life were characterized by malnutrition, illness and want. Once again I marvel at the courageous and bright spirit of my little girl who has learned from life how to be a fighter - even at 3 1/2.

Orphans on the News Agenda

2010-01-19T21:50:00.000-08:00

There appears to be one "good" thing that has come out of the Haitian crisis and that is that orphans seem to somehow have made it onto the agenda of major new agencies around the globe. I wish that it didn't take a tragedy like this to get people thinking about orphans because Haiti and Ethiopia and India and Uganda and (fill in the blank) had orphans long before January 2010. They just weren't as newsworthy then, apart from a global catastrophe, even though many of them, like Haitian orphans now, lacked food and shelter and safety. I heard more about orphans today on CNN that I have heard in the last year as the network covered the many ways that Haiti's numerous orphaned children are being united with forever families, many of them American. Thankfully the US government has taken action at some of the highest levels to expedite the process of bringing Haitian orphans to the US where they can be provided with adequate medical care and support in a safe environment through the provisions of humanitarian parole. How can you not want to applaud Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell for calling on every resource at his disposal to get in there and rescue orphaned children? I know I cried when I watched this.

However, there is another important point to be made that may be being missed by some of the emotional image-driven media coverage of late about the Haitian orphan crisis. I appreciated hearing this interview with Tom DiFilipo, head of the Joint Council on International Children’s Services, on PRI's The World today. The JCICS plays an integral role in helping to ensure that international adoptions are ethical and legitimate. In the interview, DiFilipo reminds listeners that the children coming to the US now are children whose families have been in the maddening paperchase for 3-4 YEARS. It's not as if you can just show up with a big heart and take a child home to safety (as much as many of us would love to do that). He points out that airlifting children to another country (as is currently being proposed by Sen. Bill Nelson in what is being called "Operation Pierre") is not always the best or most appropriate course of action, even if the motivation behind the action is noble and compassionate. If children are true orphans, then finding them a forever family is certainly the goal. However, it must first be determined that the children in question are indeed orphans. And there lies the problem in Haiti now. With such a radical lack of infrastructure given current conditions (infrastructure was sadly lacking before the earthquake), determining whether or not a child's relatives are dead, in a hospital or merely just displaced by impassable roads becomes incredibly difficult. So what are the alternatives? Leave children sleeping out in the dirt, unprotected, with lack of adequate food or water until someone shows up or ship them off to another country hoping that you aren't taking them from their culture and their lives without just cause? It's a tough situation and one I find very discouraging. My heart breaks for these children and I would take a Haitian child tomorrow if I was asked to. But, I also know that as an adoptive parent, that last thing I would ever want to do would be to take a child from a birth family that loved that child and wanted to care for him/her. It's an incredibly difficult situation and one that, more than anything, needs to be bathed in prayer.

I continue to pray about what I can do to help. Here's one fun thing I came upon today. If you like Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bags, you may be interested to know that the company is connected with the Hands and Feet Project, an orphanage near the epicenter of the quake. They are currently running a Shop for A Cause sale right now to raise funds for Haitian orphans. Buy something chic and help those in dire need. It's just one way among so many to help right now. Here's one more great program - also a HopeChest initiative - providing funding to Haiti. As many of us that can need to do all that we can.

My New "Favorite Book Ever"

2010-01-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

This is the best book ever. An absolute must-read. It's written by the President and CEO of International Justice Mission, Gary Haugen. If I could start my professional life over, I'd become a lawyer and work for these guys. They do amazing work. I just ordered a copy of their At the End of Slavery materials (for only $15!). I'm planning on hosting some casual house party get-togethers to screen the IJM film At The End of Slavery. A movie over dessert with friends is the least I can do to raise awareness in our community about the plight of so many who suffer worldwide. There are so many more things I want to say about this book - and about God's heart for justice - but I am on Day 4 of "single mom-ing" with Super Dad stranded out of town thanks to bad weather on a backpacking trip. More to come later. Read this book.

Photo Friday

2010-01-15T14:53:00.000-08:00

Shirts for Shoes

2010-01-13T21:36:00.001-08:00

Today is a sad day. I can hardly watch CNN without crying at the coverage of the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti. Surely this disaster will create even more orphans in a country that has already had numerous issues with adequate orphan care.
It is a sad, sad day.

Tomorrow offers the promise of hope in a great opportunity to reach out to orphans - in this case Ethiopian orphans. Tom Davis and Children's HopeChest will launch a great fundraising project tomorrow, just in time for Valentine's Day. It's called Shirts for Shoes. For the purchase of a $25 shirt, an Ethiopian orphan will receive a shirt and a pair of shoes. You can read more about this great new program at My Crazy Adoption. I know what I want for Valentine's Day.

Also, here are two new videos from Tom Davis that highlight the urgent need for orphan care. The first is a collection of photography from Tom Davis, Hannah Leman and Simon Scionka. The second is a powerful illustration of why orphan care needs to be on the top of all of our agendas as Christians.

Simply Love Like Crazy from Kari Gibson on Vimeo.

Rabia Sayid Story from Children's HopeChest on Vimeo.

Pray for 103

2010-01-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we will be praying for the children of Swaziland and we hope you will join us. As you know if you read this blog, we are volunteering with Children's HopeChest to try and find sponsors for 25 children in the Mangwaneni Manzini Carepoint in Swaziland. According to the latest Hopechest information we have received, 172 children at our Carepoint have been profiled. 58 of them are officially sponsored and 11 have unofficially committed sponsors. That leaves 103 of the currently profiled children still waiting for a sponsor.

Sandra Carmichael, who works as a liason for the Carepoint, effectively explains why sponsors are so important: "A sponsor is a life-line for the children beyond basic needs. Many of these children are orphaned and those that aren't could be at any day due the ravages of HIV/AIDS on the country of Swaziland. A sponsor is a source of encouragement and provides a valuable role-model to a child that helps them grow into the kind of person God intends for them to be. Half of the country is under the age of 15, so the need for God-honoring role-models is great."

Would you pray with us tomorrow that God would bless these precious Swazi children and help us as their advocates to find more sponsors for them here in the US? We are finding that locating sponsors has been harder than we anticipated and we would appreciate your prayer support. If you, or anyone you know, might be interested in changing the life of a child for just $34 a month, please don't hesitate to contact us via our email here on the blog.

Miry Clay

2010-01-11T23:08:00.000-08:00

We have someone very dear to us who is really suffering right now. This person is "walking through the valley of the shadow" that David described so well in Psalm 23. We are honored that this individual has chosen to confide in us and seek counsel from us during this time of need. As we talked tonight, I shared that as I have gotten older, I really have more questions than answers where issues of faith are concerned. I have been a Christian my entire life and yet the more I see of the world and the pain and suffering in it, the more I have been forced to accept the reality that we will not know the answers to some of the really difficult questions on this side of heaven. The bottom line is that life can be really hard sometimes, even for really "good" people. The one thing that I have grown to believe even more strongly as a Christ follower is that God hears the cries of the broken. I believe that God's ears attend to those who cry out in pain, desperation, loneliness, brokenness, emptiness and grief. Adoption taught me this. I have seen firsthand how God took my children from the "miry clay" and led them to "still waters" where they could grow and bloom. God did this because they - and their families - were in need and He heard their cries for help. He saw them and He heard them. For some reason, that resonates deeply with me and provides me with an anchor for faith amidst the myriad of questions that often swirl in my head, particularly when faced with the suffering in the world today. God sees. God hears. God cares. And because of that, no matter now dark the valley, we are never alone.

Something Annoying

2010-01-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

The girls new birth certificates finally arrived today and the woman listed as their mother is not me thanks to a clerical error. It took almost six months to get these so who knows how long it will take to get replacements. I'm totally bummed out about this. I'm was also frustrated to read this story today about clothing companies cutting up unsold clothes before throwing them in the trash so no one else could use them. Shame on you, Walmart and H&M. I know of a whole lot of precious kids who would have loved your castaway shoes and coats.

In our family, we think castaways and hand-me-downs, like this sweet vest, are pretty swell. Too bad major corporations seem to be missing the party on this one.

Meklam Gena! Merry Christmas!

2010-01-07T22:41:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas in Ethiopia. BBC News has a wonderful narrated slide show with pictures from the Christmas celebration in Lalibela. I am so glad we travelled some in Ethiopia prior to picking up the girls. I feel like we have such a better sense of Ethiopian culture and of Ethiopia as a nation. We took this picture right in the same area the BBC report is focused on. (Who is that blonde with my husband?!)

We've been getting a variety of questions about our adoption experience lately. Here are a couple of quick thoughts on our experience as it relates to things we would do again:

1. We were very pleased with Gladney - even though the process itself with any agency is incredibly tedious and frustrating at times. We would use Gladney again. Our caseworker Jessica was a saint for putting up with so many of my annoying phone calls and emails. They are also doing some wonderful humanitarian work in Ethiopia for the many children that remain without forever families to adopt them.

2. We would absolutely adopt multiple children - in our case two - at the same time again. We believe our transition to parenthood has been easier because each of our girls came to us with an instant best friend. Yes, it has been a challenge at times but if you think you can handle two, you should take two. The need is great and keeping families together is a wonderful thing. We also feel even more strongly having now spent time as a transracial family in a suburban area that bringing two children into our family that look alike (even though they don't look like us) and have a shared history different from our own will make for a much better adjustment for them later on in life. We understand now why one agency working in Uganda actually only adopts children out in pairs because of what they have seen with regard to healthy adjustment in adolescence. It's hard sometimes to not have my children look like me. It will probably be even harder to not look like your Mommy or your Daddy. Once again, if you have the ability to take more than one child, you should.

3. We would strongly recommend taking just a few days before your placement to see the country from which your children came. It is very doable pre-placement and is a life changing experience that helps you understand WHY your children came to be orphans in the first place.

4. We would choose adoption again. If you have room in your family for a child/another child, you should ask yourself "Why not an adopted child?". Ultimately, for us, we could not make any case for why NOT to adopt. Have you ever seen that bumper sticker "Don't breed or buy while homeless animals die"? I have to resist the temptation to get soap box-y here but it does seem reasonable to me to apply that same logic and compassion to human beings, at least on some level. What if every family that was open to another child (or a child at all) opted to include adoption as a part of their family plan? That would change the world. Literally. The children are out there and they need you. They need all of us - desperately. Giving the gifts of hope, future and family is one of the greatest things you can do in life.

Merry Christmas! Meklam gena!

Dancing Queens

2010-01-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't uploaded much video here on the blog but this one was just way too funny not to share. The girls love having dance parties. They love anything with rhythm. One of their absolute favorite albums is Putamayo's African Playground. We often begin our days to the opening song "Batu". The other night I was playing some John Legend during dinner and the girls decided to get their groove on at the table. I hope this isn't how we dance but they say kids provide you with a mirror of yourself. Scary.

Disclaimer: Our girls have had dripping noses for a ridiculous amount of time. Please ignore any boogers you may notice in this video. We really do wipe their noses. We promise. Also, we fully acknowledge that Eden is rocking a "hot mess" in this music video. Give her a break. She's two and it's late.

We hope the dancing queens brighten your day as they do ours.

Two Worlds

2010-01-04T23:03:00.001-08:00

One of the many things I have been reflecting on this Christmas season is how much we have been given. I think about this a lot and this powerful sense of feeling the need to respond tangibly to the abundant blessings in our own lives was really what spurred us to adopt in the first place (and inspired the name of this blog). The fact that we have a roof over our heads, the support of friends and family, food in our stomachs and the freedom to worship makes all of us in the US incredibly wealthy in comparison with millions across the globe. The thing that I find so difficult, irritating and terrifying about my own life now is that I straddle two worlds. One the one hand, I desperately want to focus on what really matters in life both now and in the bigger eternal picture. I want to be that person who is able to transcend the inanity of our culture and use the resources I have been so graciously given to do my part to somehow address the gross inequity that exists in our world today. I want to be the one who cares about what is close to God's heart - and we know that God cares about the poor, the needy, the lonely, the desperate. I guess that's my "good side", the part of me that has this "gnawing" in my heart about adopting another child even knowing what a headache the process was the first time around. That's the part of me that thinks all the time "But what about those that remain?" Now, on the other side, part of me seriously thinks about how I will need to get Botox in a few years because of the wrinkles on my forehead (I do live in California so you have to cut me some slack on this...) and how I really need to figure out a way to get rid of cellulite. (Ironic that we try to rid ourselves of weight in the US using every new fad diet under the sun while other parts of the globe lack the food tor survive). The other half of me is wrapped up in the trappings and pressures of my culture and is prone to waste time on things that are frankly - pointless, albeit sometimes amusing. I recently read a book called It's Not Okay With Me by Janine Maxwell. In it, she shares her story of leaving a successful marketing firm to head the group Heart for Africa. She was utterly compelled to recklessly abandon the life she had in lieu of something that she determined mattered more. However, even she writes in her epilogue about the fear of slipping back into one's own comfortable life upon a return from Africa. She writes: "No one who has gone to Africa ever wants to forget. We all get on a plane to come home and we make commitments...to do something for the beautiful people who welcomed us into their lives without hesitation or expectation. But we all get caught up in the distraction of "real lives". We so want to help the people we hold in our hearts, but their faces fade as they are replaced with the faces of people in our offices. The sight of their mud huts disappears as we frantically try to wash the dishes after a great dinner party or finish off the renovation on our own home. We thought the smiles on the little children could never be forgotten, but they too start to gray as we pick up our kids from piano lessons and drop them off at soccer. Before we know it, we too are saying it's okay that they are hungry and thirsty and have no clothes or parents or education or safe home. And before you know it, it will all fade to black." Now, Janine Maxwell is not an adoptive parent of an African child and her view may be a bit extreme. As an adoptive parent, having your own children come into your lives birthed out of the pain of an entire continent in jeopardy means that you have a very tangible reminder of the work that remains to be done. But even so, your own children very quickly become very "American". (Case in point: Junia recently put on a new shirt I got her and looked at me and said "This is a-dorable!" and ran to look at it in the mirror.)

Our girls are thriving and the temptation now is to pour all of our resources into these two children - the two that are now our own - having done our part to save the world. But, that just isn't enough for me and I'm still not sure what to do about it. As a bit of a visual example of the worlds I inhabit, above is a picture of me with my beautiful grandmother and my sister-in-law. My grandma has been a style icon her entire life and even now at 90, she looks amazing. On her own this year, she perused the Nordstrom catalog and found an amazing sexy pair of way-too-high high heels that she thought I just had to have for Christmas. They really are "a-dorable" and they will always remind me of her. I will add them to the shelves of shoes in my closet and wear them out on a special occasion. I don't need them but I have the luxury of owning them in the life I lead. And yet, below is other world I have foot in. I keep asking God to show me what he wants me to do about this world because these circumstances just aren't ok with me.

Happy Nu Nu!

2010-01-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

We celebrated our first New Year's Day together as a family by keeping with a tradition Davis and I started a few years ago of going on a new hike each New Year's Day. We were joined by friends who have a little boy that is one of the girls' best little buddies. Eden greeted passersby on the trail with a big "Happy Nu Nu!", her two year old way of saying "Happy New Year". With three kids age three and under and one enthusiastic dog in tow, our little herd went quite a bit slower than last year when we traveled light as a mere twosome. It was another new day in our new life as parents - one that reminded us again in this new year that life is sweeter with little friends along for the journey. Perhaps this is because they force you to go slow enough to take in the view.

"Ni Hao!"

2009-12-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

We are slowly but surely putting life back together around here post-Christmas. Suitcases have been unloaded. Laundry is done. The grand playroom purge is finished - old toys out in the garage to be rotated back in later this year, new toys happily situated in their new home. I'm still working on processing a lot of the thoughts that I have been having lately related to my Christmas experience this year. I've been doing a lot of reading too - all Africa-related (not a huge surprise) which also has me doing a lot of thinking about the state of the world - again. The last time I did a lot of "thinking" about global issues we somehow ended up with two toddlers. Thinking is dangerous, especially if you are praying too.

I hope to share more on this later. For now, here are some pictures I am loving right now. Big Bear got a gorgeous turquoise Chinese dress from a cousin who lives in Asia. It looked stunning on her against her dark skin. She kept running around the kitchen laughing and trying to run right up to the camera lens. We also taught her to bow and say "Ni Hao" which caused her to laugh even more. Talk about cross-cultural. An Ethiopian child, now living in America as a legal resident (soon to be citizen!) wearing a Chinese dress saying "Ni Hao". That's globalization for you.

Ridiculously Cute.

2009-12-26T17:06:00.001-08:00

Our sweet friend Raya, a professional photographer who also happens to be in our home group, took these amazing family pictures for us. I know I am partial but the girls look ridiculously cute in these pictures. I feel like I should send these to Gladney for promotional purposes! How could you not make room in your heart for precious children like these?

I included a few fun shots she took of us too. We make no claims to be "ridiculously cute". For better viewing of the slideshow, make sure to click on an image so you can enlarge the view!

Merry Christmas to All!

2009-12-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

Just one year ago today, we celebrated a bit of a mournful Christmas having just found out that we did not pass court and would have to wait several more months to have our case heard again in Ethiopian court. Today, we celebrated our first Christmas as a "forever family" - finally complete (at least for now...) with our two precious daughters. Oh come let us adore Him who is faithful to complete the good works He begins.

There is much to be say by way of reflection on our first Christmas season together. That will have to wait for another post after we have slept off today's festivities. We have all been living in Boogerland (sick again thanks to preschool germs!) and are headed off to bed pronto. However, I can't close the day without sharing the one gift that brought tears to my eyes. My parents gave us this early this morning as a family gift. I had no idea what was going to be in the box and just started crying when I pulled this out (and that type of a response is unusual for me). I had been so hoping to find something like this but didn't have any luck locally and didn't have the time in the midst of everything else that was going on this year to scour the Internet before Christmas. It was touching to see a Mary who looks like my little girls and a version of the Christmas story that embraces my children. Thanks, Mom and Dad. We will cherish this always as a reminder of the first Christmas we celebrated Jesus' birth together with the children He birthed for us in our hearts. Merry Christmas to all of you who have shared in our story of God's faithfulness! Your love and support have meant so much to us over this last monumental year in our lives. Thank you for being a part of journey to family.

Firsts...

2009-12-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

This week, we celebrate a few more "firsts". We had the fun of watching Junia "perform" in her first preschool Christmas show. Sitting there staring at my child through a camera lens with my husband in a parallel position next to me armed with a video camera (and Eden on his lap) while Junia waved during the song and yelled "Hi, Mommy! Hi, Daddy! Where's Eden?" felt very "parental" to say the least.

We also made Christmas cookies for the first time. It was a stretch for Type A Mommy (see previous post about this problem!) to just let the cookies look like kids made them, but I am proud to say that I kept myself from redoing them before we put them in the oven. We also got our first professional family pictures taken by a sweet friend of ours. The girls look beyond gorgeous - as usual. It must be my great genes! I can't wait to post these in a few days.

Another first was discovering, after Junia's first dentist appointment this week, that she will need to have a baby root canal (!) because of how worn and decayed the enamel is on one of her back teeth. Apparently, weakening of the enamel is a fairly common problem in kids that have been malnourished. This was something that I never even thought about - particularly because the girls are both doing so well physically now that they are home. It made me really sad to think about how many other children in Africa (and across the globe) have teeth that are literally rotting away because of lack of proper nutrition and dental care. For what we spent at Toys-R-Us this Christmas (thank God for good dental insurance), we will get her tooth fixed. But she is just one of so many - so many who need a Mommy and a Daddy to make sure they have warm coats and clean teeth and maybe even a tricycle. As always, I come back to the troubling question "But what about those who remain?" After having seen what we did in Africa, it is still so hard sometimes to just walk through the mall with cheezy Christmas muzak blasting in the background as I try to battle the crowds with my arms "burdened" with a few packages, toddler on one hip and green tea from Starbucks in my hand. It's hard not to feel shamed by the extravagence of what is my "normal" life here in the United States. As I think about Junia's tooth decay, in some ways it reminds me that our girls will always carry some "scars" from their past, some we see now and others we don't but may see later. It's hard as a parent to accept scars in your children's lives because they are physical evidence of hardships and adversity they may have faced. And yet, as one author pointed out, scars are reminders that you are one of the ones who lived...one of the survivors. Scars only form on bodies that are alive. And so, even a decaying tooth, is a reminder to me that my daughters are some of the brave children who have survived orphanhood and who march forward boldly (very boldly most days!) into each new day. And for that, I have great respect for my courageous little ladies and much gratitude to the God and selfless family who entrusted them to me.

Thankful Thoughts, Lots of Poop and An Award

2009-12-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

Thinking back on our recent Thanksgiving weekend, it's hard not to pause and reflect on the ways that our little family has changed in just 9 months. It's crazy to think the girls have been home that long. In some ways, it feels like yesterday that we were in the midst of praying (again!) to pass court, and in some ways it seems like my little sidekicks have just always been there in the back seat singing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" over and over again in the effort to make sure their entire social circle gets included in the song. In some ways, my responsibility-free life feels like it just vanished in a blink (I find myself looking for it sometimes...when I feel that way, I just pop in Twilight for the umpteenth time and escape to the banal diaper-free zone of high school vampires). In other ways, I've just kicked into Mom-mode and somehow manage to get by one day at a time even if I often feel a bit out of place in Mom World. Somedays the daily chaos makes me feel like I may spontaneously combust at any moment and other days things seem to hum along just fine. Such is life as a mom, I guess. I am certainly still a "Mom In Training" but day by day I learn more about how precious it is to have someone in your life who calls you "Mama" (in my case - two little someones!) even when "Mama" comes with a whole lot of new responsibility and a lot less sleep. Here are some pictures from our first Thanksgiving together as a forever family. We have much for which to be thankful.

Eden was lucky enough to share her birthday month with her much-beloved Poppa. Over Thanksgiving weekend, they got to share a birthday cake made for them with love by Junia and Gammy. We also started a family tradition back at home this year of letting Junia make Eden's birthday cake (she was adamant that she wanted her present to Eden to be a cake). I'm not sure if there are any sprinkles left in our house now.

As our gift to Eden to celebrate #2, we took the family to Disneyland. Let me tell you - that was an adventure. We hadn't been in over a decade and it's not our go-to place for a "happiest place on earth" experience. We of the hippie persuasion would far rather find ourselves on a quiet hiking trail than trapped in the consumer-infused madness that is all things Disney. That being said, it just seemed like something you need to do with your kids. Because we are nerds and I have what will probably become a very-annoying-to-the-girls academic background in media studies, our girls haven't had much Disney in their media diet. Hence, they didn't have a lot of context to bring to their Disney adventure. However, Junia learned very quickly who Mickey Mouse was and waved at him screaming "Hi, Mickey!" during the Christmas parade. She and Eden also loved seeing snow fall on Main Street when they lit up the castle with twinkling blue lights before the parade. We both agreed that the bulk of the day was kind of like being trapped in hyper-stimulating video game but that the entire day was worth watching our wide-eyed girls during the Christmas parade, bundled up in peacoats and scarves, as they waved at all the people going by. That was the iconic "Disney magical moment".

We aren't sure if we have it in us to do Disneyland again anytime soon. Let's just say after a Disney day with two toddlers in tow, we didn't buy a season pass. We were also led to wonder, given the sounds of children all around us all the time in various stages of meltdown, if "happiest place on earth" is perhaps a misnomer. Another sweet part of our Disney weekend was seeing the girls in MY dresses from my first visit to Disneyland. My mom had been saving them for years (we won't talk about how many years!) and amazingly they are in pristine condition. The girls looked beyond adorable in them.

Speaking of gifts, Eden also had a special gift for Mommy on the day of her actual 2nd birthday. We were having a pretty good day and I really hoped that we would go the whole day with no time outs (etc.) as that would have been nice for her birthday. I put her down for her nap, which was greeted by much crying and fussing, as naptime was apparently not on her birthday agenda. Eventually, she stopped screaming and things got quite for awhile. It was shortly thereafter that I heard her calling for me. I went into her room only to see two huge mushy turds that had been thrown onto the white furry floor rug by a ticked off Eden who had opted to take her birthday revenge on Mommy by removing her diaper and throwing the contents of her diaper on the floor. There was poop everywhere - on her hands, her shirt, the bedding! It was seriously the grossest thing ever. I guess she was giving me some #2 on for her big #2 birthday. Very fitting. In retrospect (now that my blood pressure is somewhere back in this stratosphere), it makes me glad that I had a dog to break me in before I had kids. Our last dog licked himself and ate poop and barf on occasion - you know, all the usual dog stuff - and then used that same tongue to lick my face. In that regard, dogs and kids have quite a bit in common.

On another note, I have mentioned hair on my blog before. A friend sent me this link about Chris Rock's new documentary called Good Hair. While my girls seem to already be blessed with what some would term "good hair", I look forward to seeing this film as it looks like it will address the significance of hair, particularly for women, in the black community. This topic is one that as a mother of two African-American daughters I know I will have to continue to keep up on, especially as they get older as appearance becomes even more important.

Finally, thanks to Zoe at Chasing Saints who was kind enough to give me another blog award. I don't really keep up with this kind of stuff (or things like Farmville or Mafia Wars on Facebook!) but I certainly do appreciate her kind acknowledgment and am going to attempt to participate. I
am supposed to tell you 7 random things about me and then highlight 7 other blogs I like. Here goes:

1. I grew up in Hawaii as a minority for most of my life in school. I found myself in a bit of withdrawl in high school when I moved back to the mainland. I was shocked to see so many white people. Perhaps that's what my girls feel like now!

2. My first job out of college was on the corporate side of things for Girl Scouts. No, I didn't sell cookies but I did have to wear a uniform sometimes. Totally embarrassing. Why I took this job still remains a bit of mystery to me.

3. I have a serious issue with what Davis calls a "farm fantasy". Maybe I've just heard one too many country songs but I dream of living on a big ranch with a farmhouse that has a wrap around porch with a rocker on it where I will sit after I get done riding my green John Deere around the farm in white dress and cowboy boots. I won't actually do any work on the farm, mind you. I'll have workers for that. I'm just going to drive my tracker around. Also, no animals will be harmed on my farm. Maybe it will be an animal refuge farm and I'll raise corn - or my farmhands will.

4. I've realized I am addicted to the ellipsis and use it far too often in my writing. I prefer to end emails that way as I feel like it bounces the ball back to the other person and implies that the conversation is still in process. I use them way to often...

5. I really love almond butter. There is a place near us where you can grind your own fresh almond butter. That stuff rocks. I also really love boots. They are my favorite footwear and I have way too many pairs of them. I recently added a dusty rose colored pair to my collection thanks to Gammy and Poppa's generosity. Like almond butter, sweet boots rock.

6. I am the ultimate Type A poster child. It's so bad that I often annoy myself. Case in point: I was totally stressed out because several neighbors got their Christmas lights up a week before we did. I felt like a total slacker and was freaking out. It made me feel better that Junia was also troubled by why our lights weren't up yet and chose to also bug her Daddy about this until they got put up. Thanks, Big Bear!

7. I love travel more than just about anything and have been blessed to see a fair bit of the world with my handsome husband by my side. One of our craziest travel adventures involved getting thrown overboard when our speedboat hit a log and flipped over on the Amazon River deep in the Brazilian jungle. We would have lost everything - including our passports - if some kind locals in dugout canoes hadn't come along to rescue us. There were bloody dead fish in the bottom of their canoes and they spoke no English. It was a very hairy experience, to say the least, especially given that the river is known to have both snakes and piranhas in the water.

Random enough for you? So now I guess I need to tell you about some other blogs that I like to read. There are so many great ones out there that it's hard to create a short list. One of my #1 favorites is actually Zoe's blog Chasing Saints but I guess I can't give the award back to her. I also love Coffee Mom's blog but she too already got this award. So, here are some more great blogs I enjoy that are worthy of the Kreativ Blog Award.

Baby Dorr - This couple is very artsy and is bringing home a sweet boy from Ethiopia soon.
Meet the Lambos - Meggan is also working to help find sponsors for kids in Swaziland as a HopeChest advocate like me. Her adorable son Biruk is welcome to marry either of my girls!
Living Freely - Brandi is an amazing "warrior girl" and has a son from Liberia named Davis. Now, that is cool. She also works for HopeChest.
Ethiopia - Here We Come - Rebecca has some great candid posts and pics about life with her son Eli. She was also kind enough to take care packages from us to our girls in Ethiopia before we brought them home.
Finding Rest - I went to college with the savvy girl who writes this blog. She is a great writer and mom who brought home her son from Ethiopia just a few months before we brought our girls home.
Our Walk By Faith - Farm Boy and Buttercup offer very funny insights on their blog. Their newest addition was one of Junia's best buddies in the Gladney Care Center in Ethiopia.
PJ's Are Clothes - I just discovered this blog through Brandi and I love Jude's candor. Check out her recent post about overcrappage and Christmas. Love it!

So, there it is. The long post I have been trying to get finished forever. Here's a final picture to round out this ridiculously long treatise.

A Photo Snack

2009-12-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

If I were wearing a name tag right now, it would say "Hello, my name is Buried In Work". Given that, I probably won't hit my Thanksgiving retrospective blog post tonight either. So, here is one more to tide you over- another photo snack until the real post actually materializes - someday.

Little Bear watching her first Christmas parade - at Disneyland!

More to Come Soon...

2009-12-06T23:23:00.001-08:00

So I obviously still haven't found the time to finish my latest post about Thanksgiving. Here's part of the reason why...

More to come soon, I promise!

Happy Birthday, Little Bear!

2009-11-30T23:03:00.000-08:00

We are coming off a long holiday weekend with much for which to be thankful. We are still digging ourselves out of suitcases to be put away, dirty laundry to be washed, an empty fridge to be filled, and stuff for work that has to get done (tonight!), but we couldn't let today pass without taking a blog moment to celebrate our little girl who is growing up so fast.

Happy Birthday, Eden! We are blessed to have you as our precious daugther and love you more than you will ever know. You are the child of our hearts.

More to come (hopefully tomorrow) on the Little Bear's special day and the Little Ladies' first Thanksgiving...

Girlfriend!

2009-11-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

Lately, we have been inhabiting our favorite space called Camp Chaos. We seem to park it here a lot these days. When we are in perpetual fast forward because life is just that crazy, my blogging life disappears. We had all of the build up to Orphan Sunday, followed by a huge event at our home with 14 screaming kiddos climbing trees and having access to red paint (I'll let you envision that for yourself), and now we are moving into holiday mode. Add to that the fact that this is THE busiest time of the year for me at work and we have all been sick. However, in spite of all that is swirling about me, I could not resist sharing this latest Big Bear moment.

Last weekend, we were in the midst of getting ready for the big party at our house and Junia was being really fussy and would not finish her breakfast. She is in full-blown testing mode right now and often uses time (her ability to control when she will do something) as a vehicle to assert herself in our little power wars. Because she chose not to finish her breakfast, I picked up her plate and took it to the sink - to which my three year old daughter responded, "Hey! Me still eating that, girlfriend!" I should have put on my parent cap at that point and had a teaching moment about why we don't call Mommy "Girlfriend" but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to say much at all. It reminds me of the time that I, as a middle schooler in the Bart-Simpson-infused '80's, thought it would be a good idea to call my dad "Dude". I vividly remember him saying to me "I am your father. You will not address me as dude." I guess what goes around comes around, girlfriend.

Can you imagine what we are in for when Big Bear is in middle school? Look out...

Will You Help One of These Precious Kids?

2009-11-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

The country of Swaziland has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the world. A child that lives to the age of 15 in Swaziland has a 1 in 10 chance of living to age 35. A statistic like that is nothing short of obscene. As you can probably imagine, thousands of Swazi children have been orphaned because of this disease. The pictures you see above depict just a handful of the many Swazi children who so desperately need our help.

Maybe you have a heart for orphans, but don’t feel called to adopt. Not everyone is called or equipped to do that. The great thing about sponsorship is that it allows anyone to get involved with supporting children in need. Children's HopeChest is an amazing organization that is currently working in Swaziland by using a sponsorship program to reach these incredibly vulnerable children with a message of hope.

Children’s HopeChest believes that every orphan has the right to know God, experience the blessing of family, and have the opportunity to develop independent living skills. Each of their programs attempts to restore wholeness to the brokenness that is orphanhood. They believe orphans have the greatest chances for success when they are surrounded by loving role models who remind them of their great worth and value in the eyes of God.

Through Children’s HopeChest, you have the opportunity to not only sponsor a child but also to develop a relationship with that child through letter writing. I now have profiles of 25 children (out of 150 that have recently been added the program) who are all in need of sponsors in Swaziland. The area where the children come from that I am trying to find sponsors for is so poor that children and adults spend much of their time in the garbage dump trying to find food. Many of the young children have also been sexually abused or have become sexually active in order to feed their families. This is particularly true of young girls.

For $34 a month (the cost of a couple of Frappucinos a week!), Children’s HopeChest is able to meet the basic needs of these children by creating a safe place where they can learn about God’s love through what is called a Carepoint. The Carepoint runs a preschool, as well as neighborhood school which helps to keep older kids off the streets. After school, anywhere from 180-250 children daily come to the Carepoint for Bible Club and a meal.

HopeChest is just one of many great organizations that are seeking to address the orphan crisis through the vehicle of sponsorship. It is an organization that I really believe in and that's why, in addition to sponsoring our child, Tanele, through HopeChest, I have decided to volunteer with them as an advocate. If you read this blog and are feeling God calling you to give of what you have to stand in the gap for orphans, sponsorship is a great way to do that. Please contact me via my email here on the blog and I would love to set you up as a sponsor for one of the precious children you see here in this post. They need you more than you will ever know.

Orphan Sunday - WOW!!!

2009-11-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Orphan Sunday event was nothing short of amazing. We were hopeful that maybe a handful of families (we would have been really excited about 2 or 3!) would come to learn more about adoption. We ended up having to put out extra chairs because we filled the entire room. We had over 80 people show up!!! And so my "Oh you of little faith" saga continues. I had a peace in my heart that we needed to do this thing and that God was going to bring exactly who He wanted to be there to the event. That is exactly what happened and, as usual, my expectations were exceeded beyond what I imagined. I talked to so many individuals and families who were excited about everything from going to Africa to do medical missions with orphaned children, to sponsoring kids in need, to opening their homes and their hearts to a child through adoption. I am thrilled about the group that came together on Sunday and our potential to harnass the resources and energy of passionate Christians throughout our region who care about the cause of the orphan. A friend of ours remarked, "You know, there really isn't one church in our area that owns this issue." I think that's as it should be. The problem is so big that this has to be group effort by believers across congregations making noise at their local churches so that God's people can take action to do something about this now.

It was a truly great day. We now pray about what our next step is in our community and in our family.

God is faithful. As always.

Happy Halloween and Still Cranking...

2009-11-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

I am still working like mad to get everything in order for Orphan Sunday this Sunday. I get more excited every day as I hear of more people that are coming because they care about orphans. I even got a call from a woman who saw one of the posters I put in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf! Here are just some of the materials I have ordered that arrived today. I've got boxes and boxes of packets from adoption agencies and tons of great general adoption information that I ordered from The Dave Thomas Foundation (all of which was shipped to me for free!). As bleary-eyed as I am right now, I had to find five minutes to share the Halloween pics of my little Ethiopian butterflies. The Little Ladies loved wearing their wings and caught on VERY quickly to the whole "knock on the door and get free candy" thing. Unfortunately, Eden was in a pretty awful mood most of the day so we didn't get even one smiling picture of her. When we asked her to smile, she would just give us an emphatic "NO!" (Can you guess who is going to turn two in a few weeks?!)

Orphan Sunday is Coming!

2009-10-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Once again, I have found myself on a brief blogging hiatus because my life is just that crazy. I have been cranking on our local Orphan Sunday event and that has been eating up any and all of my spare time. We are excited about being able to plug into the live national Orphan Sunday event as a part of what we are doing locally. We are also looking forward to being able to share our own adoption story with other prospective adoptive families. What I have realized is that to make things like this happen you really have to go through people you know that have the same heart you do. Thanks to some friends at other local churches we have managed to get the word out in our community and we are looking forward to what God is going to do on November 8th. (I'm hoping my posters in every Starbucks and Coffee Bean in town will help too!) I don't know who God is going to bring but it all it takes is one family for a child to find a home forever. At the information seminar we went to way back when, there were only two families in attendance (including us) and now we have two adopted kids! God works in amazing ways. This experience has also reminded me the importance of prayer AND action. If we have faith, our faith will be seen in how much we pray. Similarly, if we have faith, we will take action in response to that faith. So, right now, I'm praying and I'm acting (acting tends to be what I do best - it's my default). I'm praying for God to bring exactly who He wants there to hear the message of God's love for orphans.

More fall fun at a Fall Harvest Festival at a local farm!

Do Something About the Hot Mess

2009-10-14T22:14:00.001-07:00

I am almost finished with Half the Sky. (I guess when I really want to read something, I somehow find the time to squeeze a few pages in each day). It is a powerful and engaging book that left me in tears as I read just some of the stories of the many ways the world's poorest women are oppressed and victimized. I have been marking numerous tidbits that I want to share here on the blog at some point. The book also offers many solutions for ways that all of us can serve as channels for hope and redemption for these women who so desperately need us. One of the main ideas promoted in the book is microfinance which involves providing small loans to women in order to help them start and grow small businesses in poverty-stricken regions of the world. Studies are showing that by giving a woman even just a small loan of $65, she is able to use her creativity and initiative to build a business that allows her to feed her family and educate her children. This has particular impact on girls who are often excluded from an education when finances are limited. That same woman can also then gain greater respect in her family as she becomes a contributor of income to the family (this can keep her from being beaten by her husband as might normally be the case). In my reading tonight, I learned of the coolest website for an organization called Kiva. This organization allows you to partner directly with individuals in poor countries who are seeking small loans. You can give a loan of $25 and your money is pooled with other small lenders to create the total amount a person is hoping to borrow (sometimes just a few hundred dollars). I love this! I love the concept and I love how it harnesses the power of the Internet to bring people together. Another new group that does something similar is HopeMongers. They are connected with Children's Hopechest and several other great organizations. There seem to be some problems with their website right now (it just went live recently) but here's an article about how this group plans to make Christ's love a physical reality. I'm looking forward to learning about and getting more involved with supporting microfinance. What a great way to make God's love tangible for the price of pedicure.

Speaking of HopeChest, we also just got the profile for the child we will be sponsoring. She is 10 years old and lives in Swaziland. Swaziland is a small country almost completely contained within the country of South Africa. It has a population of 1.2 million people. According to Children's Hopechest, Swaziland has the distinction of being the country with the highest rate of HIV/AIDS infection on the planet. 46% of the Swaziland population is infected with the virus. By age 3, kids born with HIV die. The infection rate in children ages 15 – 23 is 57%. Only 6% of 15 years olds will survive to age 30. Those statistics are startling and troubling to say the least. Isn't it great to know that for just $34 a month, we can help do our part to keep Little Miss T from becoming one of those statistics. She is the latest child to take a place in our hearts.

Finally, I have to say a quick word about a recent post from
Zoe at Chasing Saints. Evidently, there are quite a few folks are in a stir about Angelina Jolie's Ethiopian daughter Zahara. And what issue could be so important as to even garner attention from Newsweek? That's right - her hair. It appears that some members of the African- American community do not think Angelina is properly maintaining her daughter's hair. One writer went so far as to say Zahara's hair was a "hot mess" that she would be embarrassed by when she looked at pictures later in life. My thoughts on this are many. First, it makes me feel like I'm not crazy for sensing the need to make sure the my daughters meet appropriate standards for being "well kept" African-American children, particularly because I, as their mother, am not black. (You can read my ramblings on this issue here if you missed that post.) Second, I find the whole thing pretty ridiculous. What is worse? For a child to be loved and adored by a family who provides for her but may not happen to do that child's hair in a way a stranger finds acceptable or to be left motherless and fatherless as an AIDS orphan with no hope of a better future? Let's get real here, people. It's time to focus on what matters. I am all about being sensitive to the the ethnic and cultural differences that are now an inevitable part of my life in a transracial family (I have spent a bundle researching and trying all kinds of hair products...Redken does wonders). However, if you have enough time on your hands to write about someone else's kid's hair, you should book a ticket to Ethiopia...or Uganda...or Rwanda...or Burundi...or Swaziland...and get to work changing lives. There is a lot to be done because it's a hot mess in much of the world today. Enough said. I'm off to pick out my girls' hair.

A recent shot from a "hot mess" morning....

Happy Fall!

2009-10-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

Fall is finally here (at least fall as we Californians understand it). It's my favorite season for so many reasons. I love the crispness in the air. I love making soup (and eating it!). I love being able to finally pull out my sweaters and tights and boots. And now I can do that for all the girls in our house! It's really quite fun. Today we made a family visit to the local pumpkin patch. While there were not many times in my pre-kid days that made me wish I had kids with me, heading to the pumpkin patch with all of our friends and their kids year after year did make me wish at least for an hour or so that I had a kid in tow. Given that history, it was fun to go there this year - with my own kids. Later that day, I took Junia with me on a shopping trip (Eden was still asleep recovering from a friend's birthday party at Chucky Cheese - that place scares me). Junia is obsessed with matching right now and always wants to match Eden. We managed to find some sweet matching red rainboots for both of them at Nordstrom Rack on our little adventure. Junia is very astute about noticing things that match - especially colors. When we got home tonight, I took off my boots and Junia exclaimed, "Mommy! Mommy match Junia! Mommy brown like me!" I looked down and she pointed to her leg and mine. I looked down and realized that I had on brown tights and when I put my leg next to hers, it did indeed appear that we matched. I then took off my tights and asked her what color I was and she told me "Pink!". It made me want to wear my brown tights more often! At least we know that fashion dicates that pink and brown are always a great combination. They always match.

Speaking of adorable things that match, check out these dolls the girls received as a gift from a co-worker of mine.

These were made in Haiti and you can find other simlar products on a great website called The Hunger Site. When you go to the site, you can simply click to help donate free food to the hungry around the world at no charge to you. There is also a link to help orphans that is worth checking out. What a fun place to do some Christmas shopping!

Why You Should Vaccinate Your Kids (aka Something Truly Gross)

2009-10-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have been on the fence about certain issues relevant to the whole "vaccine thing". I'd like to say I am educated enough on the issue to write an entire post about this but alas that kind of knowledge eludes me at present. Here is what I do know: Today I was given reason enough to vaccinate my children. Our girls absolutely LOVE frozen yogurt. Anytime. Anywhere. It is their absolute favorite. This afternoon they were rewarded with a special trip for some fro-yo. They were absolute angels sitting politely as they noshed on strawberry frozen yogurt without getting a drop on their bib-less fronts (Lazy Mommy left bibs in the car because they were trapped behind the behemoth stroller that takes up my entire trunk). We ended our visit with a quick trip to the bathroom to wash up. As I was holding Junia up to the sink so that she could wash her hands, I happened to look down (as the Big Bear was arm deep and mid-soap) in time to see my youngest daughter laying face down on the floor LICKING THE RESTROOM FLOOR con gusto. Apparently she had managed to smuggle the one gummy bear I allowed her on the top of her fro-yo out of the cup and into the bathroom to be savored later. She must have dropped it and just assumed that licking it up off the floor would be the best choice for reclamation. I dropped Big Bear in horror - suds and all - to intercept what was happening floorside. Sadly, I fear I was a lick or two too late. So this, my friends, is why I will vaccinate my children. Truly truly gross.

Just Bear-ly Getting By...

2009-10-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have days as a parent where you feel like you are just barely getting by, as if one more unexpected "you've got to be kidding me moment" will push you over the edge into an abyss of utter chaos. One of those moments for me happened today when Junia came to me holding a very smelly poopy diaper proudly in her outstretched hand. "Here, Mommy!" she beamed. I put the eyeballs back in my sockets and went hunting for her sister. Eden was laying bare-bottomed in the hallway covered in poo. I launched into a treatise on why changing Eden's diaper is "ONLY MOMMY'S JOB" only to have Junia look at me very matter-of-factly and say "Junia try to help Mommy." After I managed to diaper the Little Bear and wipe the poop of the baseboard (seriously...this is the first time in my life I have ever had "mess" on my moulding), I thought how cool it was that Junia wanted to help me. She sees me as her friend and wanted to help me because she cares. That is a special gift. It's special that we are friends. The other side of chaos-infused moments are days like today when you smile and think "Wow, I can't believe these are really my kids." It's funny because I think in some ways I still find it surprising that they are always going to be here. They kind of just appeared in my house one day (after a LONG plane flight home) and now they are my daughters. It's a bit surreal. I think about them as teenagers ALL the time because I really worry that they are going to hate us someday - for the obvious "My Parents Are SOOOO Lame" reasons and the other obvious one in our family - we are white and they are not and our choice to adopt them transracially may have made their lives a bit more challenging than the average teenager. What I realized today as I was blowing on Junia's toes to dry the touch-up I had done on her nail polish (she thought this was VERY VERY funny and laughed hysterically as I puffed away) is that this really is my daughter and she is here to stay. It's not that I didn't know that but I thought today about her being in her 20's and me being in my 50's and us being friends. That was a weird thought to me. I thought about how cool and fun she is and how I would enjoy hanging out with her someday. I hope someday she'll feel the same. I'd like us to be friends forever.

(And no, this is not her Halloween costume. You'll have to wait for the debut of that project later this month!)

Ranting, Reading, Rocking Out

2009-10-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

This week I've been working on trying to get some local churches - including our own - on board for Orphan Sunday on November 8th. My initial overtures were not embraced with the enthusiasm for which I had hoped. I was basically told "That's nice but we have lots of other things going on right now and we don't have room in our schedules to include this too even though this is a good cause." I wrote a scathing post earlier in the week that I thankfully didn't publish. (To be fair, the Children's Director at our church did get involved later to try and push the issue forward). Here is some of the tamer content from the post I didn't publish:

I'm not even sure how to process this but I feel pretty crushed and defeated by what has happened thus far. There are a few other leads I can pursue but I am questioning right now if I even want to do that. I recognize that God needs people with all kinds of passions and gifts in the church in order to do the work that is close to His heart. It's challenging - and frustrating - to realize that not everyone shares the passion you live and breathe for. My passion is not solving the problem of homelessness. I think it's an important issue that needs to be addressed, but it's not my passion. It's hard to recognize that many feel that way about orphans. They see them as just another agenda item. In my mind, I have a hard time - particularly having seen how desperate the situation is in Africa - seeing how some of the "other things" going on in churches today are as important as addressing the global orphan crisis. I realize that there are many things that God holds dear and I am not going to presume to speak for God with regard to His hierarchy of importance on issues. However, part of me just wants to scream "This is THE issue of our day and we must not stand silent!" Our church has a deacon in charge of flowers on the altar. Somehow, I just don't see rescuing children as being on par with floral ministry. I don't want to seem arrogant or insensitive so I should probably self-censor a bit more here. I just can't help it. I am fired up! I came away from my interactions today sobered by the reminder of the reality that a lot of people really don't care that much about this issue. They watch CNN and hear about famine and poverty and say "Gee, that's a bummer" and then go about their other Christian business. And children go without families and even die in some parts of the world because we - both the churched and the unchurched - just couldn't be bothered. That's a tough pill to swallow. One thing that this has made me realize is that it may be imperative that we who do feel bothered by this issue do as much as we can because most people aren't doing much at all. I don't say that to be self-righteous (if you read this blog, you know I'm not handing out any parenting awards to myself) but I do say it as a sobering statement on the nature of things. If we who have had our hearts taken captive by this issue don't do something to help these kids, no one else is going to. That's the plain and simple truth. I told Davis tonight we may have to adopt a few more kids simply because we care and not everyone does. This makes our actions all the more necessary and brings a sense of urgency to the decisions I have been contemplating in my own head. Can I urge you that if you find yourself drawn to this issue of orphan relief to pray about doing ALL you can to help these children? For some that means bringing children into their homes as their own. If you don't have children yet, would you pray about beginning your family as we have done through adoption or about integrating adoption into your larger family plan? If you already have children and are possibly considering another child, would you prayerfully consider allowing an adopted child to bless your family rather than having another biological child? If you don't feel called to adopt personally, would you do all you can to help spread the word about these precious children and perhaps even consider supporting an orphan through a group like Children’s HopeChest?

One thing that has become abundantly clear to me throughout our entire adoption experience is that adoption is not the answer to saving kids' lives. Yes, you read that correctly. It is and it isn't. Adoption is a bandaid for much larger, incredibly complex global issues that are only beginning to now be addressed. In an ideal world, the adoptive mother like myself is not needed. I don't say that to be cruel but ideally a child's birthmother will want to and have the ability to raise that child. Unfortunately. in much of the world today this is not the case, often for socioeconomic reasons. As I try to better understand some of the many variables that have compounded to bring about so many orphaned children, I found a few things this week to be instructive. First, NPR (I loooove NPR) ran a story this week about the current state of the AIDS epidemic. There is both good and bad news here. The good news is that there have been strides made in reducing the spread of the disease. The bad news is that in a slumping global economy, impoverished populations in the Third World who often depend of First World generosity may find reduced access to the drugs needed to combat HIV. This is sobering when you consider how many children in sub-Saharan Africa, just like my own, have become orphans because of poverty and disease. Second, today I ordered a book that has been getting a lot of buzz lately called Half the Sky (my beloved NPR talked about this too!). Oprah actually has some great related content about this on her website right now (thanks to the friend who sent this along knowing I don't follow Oprah!). The author of the book suggests that by providing small loans ("microfinance") to women in impoverished countries, you have the potential to greatly impact entire communities for the better. I'm really excited about learning more about this. If I could partner with another woman by lending something as small as $60 and help her to build a business that will allow her to support her family and keep her kids, then I'm all for it. That might mean one less orphan that needs a family. I'll keep you posted on the book. I am showing that I am bit of dreamer by the openly admitting that I am going to attempt to finish a book. That prospect is almost comical right now but I am going to try.

Here are some fun Photo Friday pics. No, we don't just do laundry all the time (actually we do do laundry all the time these days!) but today the empty laundry baskets provided a great deal of amusement to two little girls who pushed them all around the house while rocking out to the Jackson 5 as Mommy tried to get caught up on some work.

Favorite Picture Ever

2009-09-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

I somehow managed to snap this amazing candid picture today of our pretty ballerinas. This is my current "favorite picture ever".

What I'm Excited About Now

2009-09-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Big Bear has now discovered that she can actually still get out of her bed after she has been put to bed for the night. Tonight, after I put her to bed I heard the door to her room eek out its telltale creaking sound. I went down the hall and found her standing there in the dark looking up at me with a half-startled sheepish grin on her face. We discussed how there would be unpleasant consequences if she got out of bed again (note: this is not the first time she has exercised this new-found freedom). I put her back in bed and headed off to take a shower only to hear the now infamous creak a second time. After doling out the promised "unpleasant consequences", I sat her on my lap and asked her why she was getting out of bed. She said she was "looking for Mommy." It occurred to me at that moment that all she wanted to do was be with me. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I usually do because of various things that went on today and it appears she must have missed me. This should have been obvious but it took me pausing long enough to realize that she wasn't necessarily trying to defy me. She just wanted time. I still find it a bit incredulous that this little girl really has accepted me as her mom and loves me and wants to be with me. That's a pretty neat miracle. After I showered, we sat together on the floor of my bathroom and painted her toenails for the first time. It was an absolutely precious Mom moment (one that made me glad I didn't hold out any longer for the non-toxic nail polish I read about but can't seem to find...I'm sure she'll live). It made me appreciate how valuable one-on-one experiences are with children. Junia was ECSTATIC about her new nails. When we finished, she looked at me with the widest eyes and said "Show Daddy!"

Junia is just one of the many precious children out there who needed nothing more than a home and a family to love her. That's why I am so excited about Orphan Sunday. This annual national (and now international) event seeks to raise awareness about the orphan crisis. I have been praying about how I can do more to be involved with the Bigger Picture as it relates to orphan relief. I decided to write a short email to my pastor encouraging him to consider highlighting Orphan Sunday on November 8th. Here is what I said:

Dear Pastor Mark,
We wanted to let you know about Orphan Sunday which is coming up on November 8th. This is a major annual event organized and endorsed by a variety of national Christian ministries. We are wondering if you might consider highlighting Orphan Sunday at CPC. The Orphan Sunday website offers a variety of suggestions for how churches can get involved (see links below to general website and also to link for church involvement). We would be open to helping organize anything you deemed appropriate that might help to raise awareness at CPC on November 8th regarding God's heart for orphan ministry. This also seems like a natural fit at CPC given that there are lots of adoptive families at CPC.

http://www.orphansunday.org/
http://www.orphansunday.org/holdevent

Feel free to contact me and we can discuss this if you feel it might be appropriate for CPC. (We really do promise to do all the work so as not to add anything extra to your already full plates!). Thanks for considering this!

Sarah and Davis (aka Junia and Eden's Mommy and Daddy)

If you attend a local church and care about the plight of orphans, consider asking the leaders of your congregation to join the chorus on November 8th as we stand together for the orphan. Feel free to use my email as a template! This is something easy that you can do to make a difference in the lives of orphans. It begins with raising awareness. Once people know how great the need is that exists today, they are often moved to respond and that is how children find forever families.

Big Things and Little Things

2009-09-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

In the effort to reclaim some of my very limited free time here in Mamaland, I finally took the plunge and went over to the Dark Side. This was a huge change but now I will have more time and more money on my hands. At this point, it's the time I covet the most. Give me a few hours and the last thing I want to do is sit under a dryer at the salon. So, bye bye Blondie. A peripheral benefit is that now perhaps people will think the girls and I look more alike!

In addition to big things for me, we've been keeping up on the little things here on the home front. When we are home, we keep busy doing the laundry...

...eating yogurt....

...and occasionally resting in our hammock. Life is better with a little more Brown.

Just for Fun - Chocolate Cherry Cake!

2009-09-19T08:46:00.001-07:00

The Little Ladies LOVE to cook. Here are some fun "Photo Friday" pics from their latest culinary adventure - chocolate cherry cake. Yum. Yum.

Rest in Peace, Dear Friend

2009-09-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning we got a phone call telling us that a dear friend had passed away. She was only 31 but had struggled with numerous complications from diabetes her entire life. She left behind a five year old daughter. We grieve with and for her family. In doing so, I have been reflecting again about my own daughters and the circumstances that brought them to adoption. Adoption is necessarily a bittersweet reality. It is the joyful creation of a family but it is joy that is often birthed in sorrow as a mother must make the choice to give up her child. No child should have to grow up without a mother. And yet, my dear friend is gone and her little girl is now motherless. She is not alone. At least she has an adoring father and grandparents and friends and an entire support structure to make sure that she will have what she needs to navigate a life filled only with the fragrance of her mother's memory. In that regard, in a seemingly tragic situation, she is blessed.

In Africa, millions of children are motherless and have none of the benefits that my friend's little girl has. They are dependent on the kindness, the compassion, and the engagement of total strangers who are often on the other side of the world. They are looking for those who will embrace them and stand in the gap for the mothers who will not get the chance to raise them. Who will raise these children if we don't? So, as I now think about how I can do my part to stand in my friend's place and honor her memory by mothering her precious child as the need presents itself, I am reminded that I am doing that every day with the two little girls who share my life and whose birth mothers looked to strangers like me to do what they would never be able to do.

Rest in peace, sweet friend.

Do Something Now from Children's HopeChest on Vimeo.

Baby Mine

2009-09-13T22:07:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a quick potluck post. A bit disjointed but still tasty I hope. Thanks to Zoe for giving me my first blogging award. I can't say I'm entirely sure what the award is about but I appreciate the vote of confidence! Zoe recently posted some interesting stuff about transracial families. It's worth a read. Check her out! Also, I continue to appreciate how CoffeeMom is sharing her struggles with adapting to the adoption of an older child (something we are seriously considering). It's nice to know we are not the only ones who have had some dark days when we find parenting very challenging!

Thankfully though, most days are pretty great. CoffeeMom talks about making a point to "mark the good". She reminds us that we need to make a point to record those precious moments we share together in our families. Tonight, we were able to mark the good after a long day for all of us. Davis and I came back from a much-needed date night of non-toddler-punctuated adult conversation and picked up the Little Ladies from our neighbor's house (Sidebar: If you aren't in a babysitting co-op, they rock!!!). We got them ready for bed and I did what I do every night. I sang them "The Baby Song". The Baby Song is actually the song that Dumbo's mom sings to him in the movie ("Baby mine, don't you cry. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine"). The girls LOVE this song. They even sing it to their dolls now and to each other - what of it they have picked up and can say. Tonight, I was sitting on the edge of Junia's bed wedged in the little space that was left near her pillow where the bedrail doesn't cover. As I was singing to her in the dark room, she sat up so she could get closer to me. First, it was her head on my lap. Then it was her arms around me and her head up on my shoulder. She kept moving around because she had to have been uncomfortable in so many strange positions as she tried to negotiate around the bedrail. It was almost as if she couldn't get close enough to me. As I sang into the darkness and listened to the girls breathe, I thought to myself, this is a sweet moment, one to remember and mark as good.

I will also mark this sweet moment today at the park as Little Bear climbed up the ladder and went down the slide over and over again to be "caught" each time by her big sister at the bottom who waited with delight to be knocked over each and every time she came down the slide. They were a pile of little girl giggles and it was good. I will mark this moment too.

Lastly, have you seen this promotional video? It's been on a lot of the blogs. I'm excited for this documentary. What an inspirational family!

Promo for "We Have Room" Documentary from David Watson on Vimeo.

A Tough Job

2009-09-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I wrote this post on one of the darker days in Mamaland. I think it's important to share these moments too as being a mom - and an adoptive mom - is not all sweetness and light, as much as we all wish it were! And yet, even in the storm, God Is - watching over us, restoring us again.

I hate to keep coming back to the same point again lest I become an annoying, whiny blogger but being a mom is so hard! It's not like I hadn't heard this before we got the kids but it is a totally different thing to live your life with the additional identity of "parent" attached to yourself. On a particularly rough day last week, my Facebook update asked "How many times in the next 18 - or maybe 80 - years will I feel like a crappy mom?" It was amazing how many comments I got from other mama friends of mine who all cited their own experiences feeling like "crappy moms" with kids of various ages. If the comments of my friends are indicative of what the general mom-ulation experiences emotionally (I can really only comment on the mom-ulation as that's my crowd), many of us are having a hard time living up to our own expectations of what a "good mom" should be like. Add to that general societal pressures and expectations and you end up with enough guilt to go around for the whole lot of us. And then there's what we adoptive moms get to add to the growing pile...the fact that our children aren't biologically ours and, if your family looks like ours, everyone knows it. It's hard for me not to feel on "crappy mom days" like maybe I was never meant to be a mom. If your children are biologically yours, it is almost as if that serves to legitimize you as a mom on some level. Because you were capable of producing them, even if you may not be a great parent, you were still meant to have your children. With adoption, God makes the way for your adoption to come to fruition just like He does in creating a child in the womb but you have to take various purposed steps to make it happen. You have to choose to sign up to be a parent to someone else's biological kids thinking that on some planet somewhere you might - by God's grace - not be half-bad at the job (there are no rhythm-method oopsies in adoption). "Oops, honey. I guess we're adopting!" just does not happen in the adoption experience. So on the bad days, it's hard not to think to yourself "Maybe that social worker shouldn't have approved our homestudy." For me, I also wrestle with the fact that I am trying to raise another woman's birth child and honor her memory by doing my very best to stand in her place - doing what she will never have the opportunity to do as much as she would have coveted that chance. Sometimes I fall pretty short - at least in my own mind.

I was talking to a friend today who recently adopted Ethiopian twins about what it is like to be a transracial family out in public. I explained how I do not take my girls out in public without making sure that their hair is reshaped a bit (naps cause major "mushed 'fro") and that they at least have on something decent. I'm not fanatical about this, but it is certainly something I am aware of. I do this because I know that many people will be looking at us and at my girls in particular when we are out in public. In the African-American community, taking appropriate care of your children's hair is often taken as a sign of good parenting and love for one's children. The last thing I want to look like is some white mama who is clueless about how to care for her African-American children. I think this too, like my concerns about being a "crappy mom", comes down to additional issues of perceptions of legitimacy. Because everyone knows these children are not yours biologically, I think it's hard as a new adoptive mom not to feel like you have to make your case to outside world "See, I'm really a mom and I'm doing a good job." Hence, I probably spend a little more on their clothes than I need to (the fact that they are beyond cute doesn't help here either!) but in making sure they appear well-kept, I am able to demonstrate to a highly inquisitive and often judging public, at least on some level, that my children are loved. I guess in way that serves to help make me feel legit as a mom. I know I shouldn't care what others think but this is my life and it's the lives of my children and that is very personal. It's hard to blow off stuff that relates to whether or not others see you as a real family or not.

A friend reminded me on one of my low point days that Satan wants to attack the good work that God is doing in and through our family. I actually wrote about that in a blog post months ago but perhaps I need to be reminded of that now. By choosing to be a very public example of God's love, we as adoptive families are putting ourselves on the "front lines" in a spiritual battle against poverty, disease, injustice and apathy (among other things!). It gives me peace to know that when we feel tired and drained - whether it be from the day in-day out pragmatic struggles of parenting (i.e. did my eldest daughter really just have an accident on the floor and did my curious younger daughter really just run into the room to check out the action only to slip and fall, soaking herself in the yellow puddle?) or from the anxiety that comes with self-doubt about your role as mother, God is faithful. Last week, I came across this very familiar verse from Psalm 23 and was reminded again that God does restore our souls and give us the rejuvenation we need for this very unique journey.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul."

We continue to pray about whether or not to adopt again or have a birth child. I told Davis the other day that I really sense that there is going to be another child in our family. Davis asked me in response, "Well, what color is that child?" I told him that if you asked me today, the answer would be brown. So we continue to pray...

And speaking of sweetness and light...

Big Bear is a Preschooler!

2009-09-01T15:13:00.001-07:00

Last night, we packed Junia's elephant backpack with a spare change of clothes, put out her new outfit (a cheap one that is cute but can get trashed) and got her all washed and moisturized for her big day today. The whole ritual made me feel so much like a mom because I so remember my own mom helping me pick out my outfit and hang it on the door the night before a school day. We didn't have to worry about setting an alarm since we have pretty much stopped using our alarm clock now that Big Bear is potty trained. It appears that her bladder is wired to go off at 6am - on the dot. This is quite the bummer given that in diaper days, she would sleep until at least 7, maybe 7:30 on a really delicious morning. Add to that the fact that she can now climb out of her bed herself and you have a recipe for one groggy Mommy and Daddy. Today was no exception.

Junia bounded into our room as she now does daily (at least this time she wasn't in full costume with pearls, a headband and a tutu on top of her pajamas like she was yesterday) ready to take on her first day as a preschooler. We managed to somehow cajole her into laying in between Mommy and Daddy so that we could eek out a few more cherished moments of "sleep". At some point, she decided to climb over me by delicately putting her knee on my throat (ouch). Once she got resettled on my side of the bed after a whole lot of squirming, I put my arms around her and was trying - in vain - to go back to sleep. The next thing I hear this quiet little voice says "I love you." I opened my eyes and looked into her big brown eyes looking right into mine. I said, "What?" thinking I might have misheard her. She just kept looking at me and said, "I love you". It was THE most precious thing ever - her first unsolicited, unprompted "I love you" and it was obvious she knew what it meant. I laughed and told her that I loved her too and that she had made my day.

We did somehow manage as a family to get everyone fed, scrubbed and dressed in time to be out the door by 8:45 for Junia's first big day at school. We were even able to snap some adorable pics of her with her cute little backpack (this is a miracle given our penchant for lateness these days). At one point while we were setting up to have a friend take a family picture, Eden went missing. I went back into the house only to find her coming down the hall barefoot with her giraffe backpack. I guess she didn't want to miss out on the fun.

When we got to school, Junia went right into her class and started checking out all of the stations loaded with interesting things for little people. She was carrying on a very involved conversation with someone on an official-looking red phone (Obama, maybe?) around the time we had to head off for work. People kept asking me if I was going to cry on her first day of preschool and I didn't really understand why they kept asking that. She was really happy to be there and if she's happy, then I'm happy. It seemed pretty simple to me, especially as the logical/rational type of person that I am. However, I must confess that I found myself strangely overwhelmed with emotion watching her pick up her backpack and hang it on the peg in her cubbie. I guess it just made it real that she is already moving toward a time when she will leave us and head out into the world on her own. Part of me wants to say "But wait! You just got here!" Davis and I hugged and kissed her goodbye in the midst of her call from the President and she waved goodbye to us with a beaming smile through the classroom window as we left her on her own for three long hours.

She came home chatting away all about a new friend she met - a boy that we aren't sure what his name is (I hope this won't become a trend!) and going on and on about how she didn't get to ride bikes today (the school has a bike track she was really looking forward to). So, it appears that our eldest child is going to survive the transition to preschool just fine. She appears to be thriving already. Little Bear seems to be having the hardest time of all because her best friend left her today and she isn't quite sure why. We continue to pray that God will bless the time they are apart as well as the time they are together.

On a final note: Here is one more reason I LOOOOOOVE preschool. The Little Ladies have been sleeping now for THREE AND A HALF hours with no sign of waking (hence this blog post!). I'm tempted to rouse them but what kind of crazy mama would do that when it is so QUIET around here?!

I love preschool.

Gladney Playdate!

2009-08-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

We had a great time spending the day with other Gladney families at the Gladney Family Reunion today. It was fun to meet families with kids of all ages at various stages in their adoption processes. Thanks so much to Drew and Carey and the rest of the Gladney team for organizing this shindig. The girls had a blast playing in the sand and eating way too many cookies and raisins, and we all enjoyed beating the ridiculous heat we've been having here in California by spending some time cooling off in the ocean. Venturing out into the deep water and waiting for the waves to crash on the sand with Daddy was an enormous hit with the Little Ladies and cause for much squealing!

The Blind Side

2009-08-29T21:12:00.001-07:00

Last night, we enjoyed a much-needed date night after what had been a LONG week with the little ladies. I went back to work only to sprain my ankle while Davis was away on his business trip during my first two days back in the office last week. That made for an interesting couple of limpy days. Thankfully, I didn't break our laptop as I careened down the stairs and launched our computer out of my hands and into the air. On top of that, we are also knee-deep in a strong-willed, teething (4 molars coming in - ouch!) almost-two year old ("No, Mommy! No, Mommy! NOOOOOOOOOO!). I'll let you imagine for yourself the tranquility with which we find ourselves surrounded these days. But, I digress. Back to the date night. The movie we went to see ended up being so-so but I actually had to keep from crying audibly at the preview for this movie. While I've never been a huge Sandra Bullock fan, we will definitely go see The Blind Side.

Tomorrow, we head south for a Gladney Family Reunion in our region. We are really looking forward to meeting 22 other Ethiopian kids - and their parents! - for a day at the beach. Also on the horizon as we look to next week is Junia's first day at preschool. She is SO excited and talks non-stop about how she is going to school. One night last week, I got her all snuggled into bed, sang our bedtime song, prayed and kissed her goodnight. As I hugged her and got ready to leave, she said in a loud whisper, "Mommy, Junia go to school?" wondering if school started the next day. I told her what I have been telling her all week, "Not tomorrow, but soon!" It's absolutely precious to see how excited she is. Much to my amazement today, out of the blue she counted to seven and finished almost the entire alphabet song. Davis told me today that he counts with her all the time. I hadn't even realized he was doing that. Go, Superdaddy! I have no doubt that she will adapt very well into her new little preschool community.

The funny thing is that Junia is so much like me. There is a very good chance she will be a nerd like me who loves going to school. She is also very neat and exhibits a lot of my first-born child tendencies. Case in point: One day I found her dusting shelves in my bedroom - without any prompting! She looked at me very matter-of-factly when asked what she was doing and told me "Junia cleaning." It's amazing how a child who doesn't share your genes can be so much like you. Nature or nuture? I'm not sure but I'm sure not going to complain if God gave me a child that wants to clean up messes! Did I mention that she loves to play dress up? If you've been in my closet, you know that too qualifies her to be my child!

Fun with Friends!

2009-08-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

We wrapped up our summer with some fun visits from dear old friends.

The girls loved playing beauty shop with Aunt Betsy...

...and Junia had her first "sleep over". There was actually no sleeping involved though. We discovered that two little girls ages 3 and 4 that are bouncing off the walls from watching Mary Poppins are physically incapable of sleeping - especially if they are together on an air mattress! They eventually had to be separated so we could all get some rest.

We also had a special visit from Aunt Alison who has two adopted kiddos from Korea (in addition to a biological son). We were quite the multicultural group as we dined on Mexican food and tried to keep our 5 kids from tearing the restaurant apart! Alison and her husband were one of several families that inspired us to adopt and mentored us in the early stages of the process. What a "full circle" experience to finally have our little global families meet!

Coincidentally, both of our girls had on the same dress! What are the odds of that?! I guess that's what you get when you shop at Target!

It was a great and full summer!

Poppa's Post

2009-08-21T23:11:00.002-07:00

I was recently talking with someone who told me that one of their concerns about adopting was how their adopted child might be received by members of the extended family. This was a concern that we too shared in the early stages of our adoption process. While we both come from very loving families, we still had concerns about how our families would react to news that the newest members of the family were going to come from Africa. In our case, our parents had waited 10 years for grandchildren when we came to them telling them that no we were not infertile and that yes we had chosen adoption as the way to bring children into our family. As it turns out, we had nothing to worry about! Both of our families have opened their hearts completely to our precious girls and it has blessed us beyond measure to see how God has provided our girls not only with parents but with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who love them dearly. In response to the concerns I have heard expressed from some potential adoptive families about the issue of how extended family may respond to an adopted child (particularly in a transracial context), I have asked Junia and Eden's grandpa, my dad and their Poppa, to take over this blog post and share with you his love story as it has unfolded with the Little Ladies. It is my hope that this may be useful to some of you who may be worried about if others in your family can love your adopted kids as much as you do. So with that, here's Poppa's Post, in his own words:

Dear Friends of Sarah and Davis,
A week ago Sarah asked me to think about writing about the adoption of Junia and Eden from the perspective of the grandparents. I hope you will understand this is from my perspective. I will send this to Sarah for her approval, if you are reading this I guess I made the cut!

I would first like to tell you and anyone else that will listen that I am totally, completely in love with those two, sweet lovely little girls Junia and Eden! They had my heart almost from the very first minute we met. My wife will confirm in a heartbeat that Junia and Eden have already brought a joy and happiness into our lives that is without measure. I hope and pray that I can help our grandchildren understand that real love is just that...love without concern to birthplace or skin color. And that is a glorious revelation that comes from my heart and has been cemented in my being thanks to Eden and Junia.

I am a product of growing up in NW Missouri in the 1940’s and ’50’s. Our family had strong ties in the southern culture of Arkansas and Tennessee. I remember very well seeing the signs “ WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE” and at some of the water fountains, “COLOREDS ONLY”. We didn’t think much about it, that’s just the way things were. My life changed when as a young man my cultural experience growing up met face to face with my new identity as a born again Christian. It seemed to me that when Christ died for one, He died for all. And when I accepted Him I would accept His family. Over the years, God has continued to teach me in many ways about the nature of His love for ALL of His children.

When Sarah met and married Davis, I was really excited about the possibility of being able to have the “G”word -“GRANDCHILDREN”. That word can bring chills over a parent if he is not totally self controlled. Sarah and Davis loved their lives with each other and were doing so well in what they were doing......BUT WHAT ABOUT US?? I had already scoped out almost every kids' store within a twenty mile radius for clothes, cute little shoes, babies first golf clubs, etc. And of course I knew exactly where I would hang our new family photograph. You know,the one on every good family's mantle, where everyone is all dressed alike, probably in light blue denim, or white, around a fireplace or here in California maybe at the beach. There would be Davis and Sarah and the Grandparents, of course, and my son and his wife, and the GRANDKIDS. WOW! With the DNA from Sarah and Davis, they would have to be SuperKids and very photogenic. It never entered my mind that the kids might not look exactly like Sarah and Davis.

Sarah had told us that some of her friends had been adopting and were very happy. When the time came to tell us they had been strongly thinking and praying about adopting I just hoped they weren’t being overly swayed by the pressure to get on the parent wagon. And, by the way, where the heck is Ethiopia? Are these Caucasian children? How dark are they? Pathetic, huh. Sarah told me how they had been praying and that the God I love so much had put this on their hearts. They told me they had the room and everything necessary and the heart and love of God to take this on. I knew that was a direct word from our Father. God had told them if they really wanted to be like Him they should be willing to love the children that might be harder to place, those that were a bit older and probably malnourished, maybe sick. When I heard that, I could only do two things, cry and repent again. What I would have missed out without the girls. Such joy! Words cannot explain. But I will try.

And now the good part. JUNIA AND EDEN!!!!!

After months of waiting and praying and praying and waiting, the time came for Davis and Sarah to leave LAX for the trip to Ethiopia to pick up their two little girls. Sarah and Davis left LAX a young upwardly mobile, stable young couple that only had eyes for each other. They had accepted God's challenge and returned home real honest to goodness parents, a “Mommy and Daddy “. Their babies could now increase and experience good food and shelter and love and devotion and stability and knowledge.....and a bathtub and shampoo and hand lotion and toys and toys and toys and “Elmo goes to the Dentist”. (Oh my, I will tell you about that later if I get invited back.) These little girls are growing up! Physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s a prime example of “the apples not falling far from the tree". They are learning well from their bonafide Mommy and Daddy. I have learned a lot about trusting my adult “kids”. I am so proud of Sarah and Davis. Even if our kids are grown, sometimes it is hard to just trust that Christ Jesus really is doing in their lives all those things you prayed for them when they were younger now that they have made the decision to climb to higher heights. If you haven’t been reading Sarah’s blog, and you should...you should see the girls now! I love those girls dearly. I want to take them out and show them off to everybody. I am just waiting and hoping one of those people will come up to me and ask me one of those questions the have asked Sarah, “Are those your children?” (As if was any of their business in the first place.) I already have my answer ready for them. “OOOh yes!! They are our first grandchildren and I have even been told they resemble me! I am sooo happy!”

I just have one short story that happened to us that has changed my life significantly. A few weeks ago we were coming from our home several hours away to see the girls. We called Sarah to tell her we had arrived in town. She said the girls had just finished their lunch and would be going down for their nap, but she would keep them up until we got there. We arrived opened our car doors and called out their names to let them know we were here. As I opened the front door they were looking for us. It seemed like forever before they saw us . Both threw up their hands and Junia shouted out with the biggest smile "GAMMY-POPPA!!!" As we walked toward the table where Junia was sitting on the bench she patted the bench next to her as if to say, “Come sit here by me”. GAMMY/POPPA! Enough said. For two little girls just learning our language, they couldn’t have said it better, we knew we were wanted and loved.

I hope this will encourage those of you that may be dealing with questions about adopting a baby or babies that may not look exactly like you. I believe we are products of our environment and that we can take on the best of what our children have to offer and give to them of our best. We all win. I thank you for allowing me to share with you from my heart, tears of joy included. My prayers are that you will allow God to love you in such a magnificent way.

A Sweet Little Story

2009-08-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

I just ironed my outfit and put out all of the necessities I'll need for my first day back at work tomorrow. It reminds me of what I used to do before the first day of school every year. I guess once a nerd, always a nerd! God must have a sense of humor - and want me to rely on Him more - because He, in His divine providence that I don't always understand, signed Superdaddy up for a random last minute business trip to Texas that just happened to coincide with my first two days back at work. Less than ideal in my humble opinion but we will just have to make due. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, right? Given all that is going on in Camp Chaos right now, I really don't have time to blog but I couldn't help but share the sweetest little story that happened today.

I was feeding the Little Ladies lunch as usual this afternoon. I took their plates to the table and then went back for mine. As I was heading back from the kitchen I called over the girls and said "Don't forget me, girls! Don't forget Mommy!" I was just joking when I said this to keep them from eating before I got back to the table but Junia replied in absolute seriousness, "Mommy, Junia never forget you! Junia never forget Mommy. Never."

Who needs dessert after that? Talk about a precious Mommy moment.

They Wanted Us Back!

2009-08-16T22:05:00.001-07:00

We just got back home from a wonderful time together celebrating our anniversary hiking and biking in the mountains. We even got to see a real live BEAR on today's morning hike - perhaps God's stand-in for Little Bear and Big Bear. And guess what else?! The girls remembered us when we got home! They knew I was their mom and wanted me back! They ran to the door screaming when they heard us knocking and did not stop talking until we put them to bed about an hour later. They wanted to tell us everything about their their adventures at our friends' house eating ice cream, jumping on the trampoline and playing dress up. It appears they survived just fine. The only thing I did find out as I looked at a few snapshots from the weekend was that our dear friend who asked to take them to the county fair today to watch her daughter's dance performance dressed Junia in a nightgown (no doubt thinking it was a play dress) and some horribly mismatched stretchpants for the outing. So my sweet Big Bear, who is already a bit of a celebrity in town, went parading about for the entire county to see - in her nightgown. Oh well....Could've been worse, right? (Mental note: Leave out clothing selections next time. Don't trust the fashion sense of others as it applies to those that bear your last name - no pun intended.)

We really did miss the girls while we were away (I had to resist the temptation to call and check on them too often) but came back refreshed after having had even just 48 hours to have adult conversation and activities that didn't involve kid gear, nap time, potty training and the like. I now understand why a friend of mine with 3 very young children makes a point to try and do short getaways (even for just one night) a couple of times of year with her husband. You appreciate your kids even more when you can step away, even briefly, just to breathe and reset. You also find that the couple you were before you had kids still does exist. Those people are just really tired most of the time so it's easy to forget them in Toddlerland and think they have resigned or died. But fear not - they are still in there. If you just give them some rest, they will come out of hiding.

So I was reminded as I entered my front door how much I love those girls. I was so happy to see them and can't wait to see them again tomorrow. This week promises to be a big week of transitions for our family. Mama Bear goes back to work onsite two mornings a week (in addition to the work I have been doing offsite this entire time) and Big Bear starts preschool shortly thereafter. We are asking God to bless this transition and make it as smooth as possible for all of us. Junia is very excited about going to school and often talks about how she will go potty at school, wear her new pink and brown polka dot sweatshirt to school, take her giraffe backpack to school...It's pretty cute.

We are still in process on bigger life decisions relevant to our continuing desire to be used by God in the cause of ministering to orphans. We haven't made any big decisions yet but had some great conversations that have given both of us much to think and pray about. We are praying specifically about how God might be able to use the telling of our story - ordinary as it may seem to us - to move others to consider adoption. We are excited to see what God has in store for our family.