Half Mommy and Elephant Birthdays

I have "blogging" listed as one of my many "hobbies" on Facebook and yet this is the first time I have checked back here at MuchHasBeenGiven for literally a month. My friend Christy told me today that "much may have been given but much has not been written". I'm glad she even still reads this! Even the idea of multiple "hobbies" is kind of comical right now. The girls have now been home three months and my previous "spare time" continues to elude me. Hence, my lack of blogging. Because I am a ridiculous perfectionist, I now feel like I am such a "slacker blogger" that I'm anxious about trying to pick this back up again. My blogging hiatus has seriously not been for lack of desire. I've thought "Oh, I should blog about that" about a zillion times but, as you can see, there hasn't been a whole lot of fruit come out of those thoughts - primarily because those thoughts are often interrupted by "What IS that she is sticking in her mouth?!" more often than not.

The little ladies continue to thrive. The doctor told us that Junia gained the equivalent of a year's worth of weight for her age in just 2 months. She is now in the 20 percentile! Go, Big Bear! Eden too is gaining weight and is now actually on the chart at a whopping 3%. Junia's transition to English has been nothing short of remarkable and it is amazing to watch how she learns new words and grammatical conventions each day. She loves to talk and often gives us a play-by-play on everything that is going on right now and everything that has gone in the past (ex. "Eden pulled my hair three days ago"). She communicates solely in English now with the exception of the word "Daddy" which she still likes to say in Amharic. Eden is also starting to talk A LOT and we can actually understand much of what she says now. Both girls are also thriving socially and really enjoy other people. They love to play with other kids and are very affectionate. We have also been pleased to see how - with consistent practice - they are quickly gaining competency in areas where we noticed some deficiencies (climbing, running) that were probably related to very limited opportunities in their early environments. Overall, they are blossoming and we count ourselves blessed. We are of course dealing with lots of challenges too because our kids are 3 and 18 months. That alone means we are asking for trouble. We have been given hearty servings of sibling rivalry and defiant behavior in addition to the warm fuzzies - but we are surviving. We have also recently taken on potty training which has been "fun". My saving grace has been a little fuzzy red man (?) named Elmo. For whatever people say about that little guy, I will always be in his debt for the 20 minutes of QUIET that he affords me each day. He also has a sweet potty video too. Rock on, Elmo - and thanks.


We are holding our own as well. Things improve with each month that passes as we continue to settle into our routines and roles and learn more about how to actually be parents. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my children in light of Matthew 25. I recently had a moment of "intense fellowship" with our youngest who has a strong will just like I do. My response to a screaming and defiant child more often than not is "Do you REALLY want to go there with Mommy?! BRING IT ON, GIRL!" I was reminded by the Quiet Voice that spoke under the pounding of my own pulse that she was one of "the least of these". She came to us with nothing. She needed everything. She was and is entirely vulnerable. And in that way she was - and is - Jesus to us. Putting your parenting in that perspective forces you to examine and evaluate much of what you say - and do.

So I've been doing a lot of questioning. I think every new mom does that. You already wonder if you are completely inept as a mother because so many things are beyond your expertise and totally out of your control but being an adoptive mother in a transracial family adds an additional level of evaluation to EVERYTHING you do. I have slowly come to just accept that random people will always be looking at - and talking to - me and my family. This continues to be stretching for me as a more private person and I am praying that God will shape my heart so that I can be more gracious. I have also become more confident with using humor to deflect the truly ridiculous or invasive comments and that to me is empowering (like when I recently told the woman who asked me rather incredulously when I was in line at a store with my two squirmy toddlers if the girls were "mine" that I had found them outside in a shopping cart). I have also found that having a "plan" for how I will answer certain invasive questions is helpful. That way I can be gracious and yet still quickly put an end to questions that are becoming inappropriately intrusive. This is going to to become even more important as the girls get older. We got into Ethiopian adoption because we feel passionately and urgently about the need for action to address the global orphan crisis. We want to see orphans find forever families and our own family story may serve in a small way toward that end. But as an adoptive family of two very young children the tension is balancing those Big Picture goals with the need to not always feel like a poster family for international adoption. This is particularly challenging when you are out and about with two toddlers in tow. What I find difficult is that people are already looking at you for various reasons so when your toddler has what would be just a normal - albeit embarrassing meltdown - in a public place you add to the embarrassment you are already feeling the anxiety of life under a magnifying glass. You wonder - or at least I wonder - if people are thinking I'm not really qualified to be a mom because these are obviously not my birth children. It's a strange feeling, almost as if you feel like you have to prove to everyone that you are legit because you didn't actually give birth to your children (this is exacerbated by people who talk about what it is like when you have "your own" - as if adoptive families somehow don't share in that). Sometimes I feel like a "Half Mommy" who needs to justify to the world that she really is a "real mom". Maybe other adoptive moms deal with that - I don't know. I just often feel like I have to try twice as hard because everyone is looking at me and judging me all the time. For me, I've had to just be ok with the fact that no matter what the random lady in line thinks, when my daughter manages to fall out of bed and land on her head, as she did in the middle of the night last night, the one she is screaming for is me - Half Mommy or not - and that needs to be good enough.

Our most recent family highlight was celebrating JuneBug's 3rd birthday with an elephant birthday party. It was a great day for our Big Girl as we celebrated with special friends and family. Highlights included jolly jumping, playing pin the tail on the elephant, decorating elephant cookies and getting a new trike from Grandma and Grandpa and a new wagon for the beach from Uncle Larry and Aunt Kim. We hope you enjoy the pics! Also included are a few fun ones from daily life in our little family and our favorite picture from our recent family photo shoot on the beach - more on that to come!