"That Friend" - Part Deux

Thanks to all who weighed in on being fellow "adoption freaks". Maybe we should start a club and try and sell people stuff.

Because I am a bit of a fixater, I have been thinking about this topic all day - particularly as it relates to respecting other people's choices. As one comment on my last post noted, "I think it comes down to being respectful of one another's decisions, not critical because they have made a different choice for their family." I guess what I have a problem with in the whole mutual respect equation is that I can respect the choices of another if I can at least understand the rationale and thinking behind the choices that have been made by that person. As a logical-to-a-fault person myself, I need to see the reasoning behind why people make the choices they do. Spell it out for me so I can see the world through your eyes and then I can move toward respecting your decision, even if it's not a choice I might make myself. As it relates to the issue of adoption, what I would like to hear from the loving, affluent (in comparison with the rest of the world, we in the US are ALL affluent) Christian families I know is why they are not adopting. I would like to hear the following case argued articulately: "We thoughtfully explored this issue and have decided we should not adopt because..." In those terms, it is - in my opinion - very difficult to make a case for why you as a Christian should not bring an orphaned child into your home. For us, it ultimately came down to that very question. We could come up with no good reasons why we should have some money in the bank, a roof over a heads and the energy and motivation to be parents and not open our home and our lives to an orphaned child. The issues that one could look to as reasons for not choosing adoption are many - "We can't afford it", "We don't think we can handle the issues that an adopted child would bring into our family", "We aren't infertile and already have children" - and the list goes on. Upon examining some of these "reasons", they start to look a bit more like excuses to me. There are some clear practical solutions that really do put adoption - thanks to numerous groups that support adoptive families both financially and emotionally - squarely within the grasp of most families. The various resources that are out there make the financial and "emotional baggage" arguments not nearly as salient. There is also a clear Biblical mandate for orphan care that has nothing to do with other personal issues like fertility or your own comfort. That nullifies another big category of "reasons". So then what it really comes down to is something more like "We just don't want an adopted child". That's the answer that, while probably most genuine, truly breaks my heart. God gives us direction to do many things that we don't necessarily want to do (or at least we don't think we want to do) and yet we do them. However, there seem to be certain things (like fighting poverty and injustice) that we think we just get a pass on and can be selective about in our obedience. I find that very troubling as the ramifications for our lack of collective action as The Church are serious indeed. And yet, it's hard to talk about any of this as an adoptive parent without seeming very self-righteous. "Look at us! Aren't we good little holy-rolling Brangelinas with our adorable blended family?" The idea that I might come off that way to others is incredibly distasteful to me given that I know God hates pride and arrogance; arrogance also never sells anyone on anything. We just talked at church this weekend about how Lent involves self-examination and confession of sins like arrogance which was defined in the sermon as "being overbearing, argumentative, opinionated and obstinate." Given that definition, I feel like I've stepped in it already with this post. What does this all look like, practically speaking? How can I respect your decision to not take up the issue of orphan care? I'm just not sure that I can. And how can I, given my own life story, say that to you in way that you will still see as coming from a place of humility, a place deep in my heart where I carry the burden of millions of children who have nothing, except maybe you as God's compassionate hands and feet? I'm not sure about that one either.

Maybe I'd better stick to trying to peddle mascara. That would be a lot simpler.

P.S. This rant is not meant to address anyone in particular. Rather, it's meant as more of general commentary on the state of how I see things. If you don't send me hate mail as a result of this post, I may even throw in a free eye liner with your next purchase.

"I find it exceedingly strange that any follower of Jesus Christ should ever have needed to ask if social involvement was their concern." John Stott

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." G.K. Chesterton