Two Worlds

One of the many things I have been reflecting on this Christmas season is how much we have been given. I think about this a lot and this powerful sense of feeling the need to respond tangibly to the abundant blessings in our own lives was really what spurred us to adopt in the first place (and inspired the name of this blog). The fact that we have a roof over our heads, the support of friends and family, food in our stomachs and the freedom to worship makes all of us in the US incredibly wealthy in comparison with millions across the globe. The thing that I find so difficult, irritating and terrifying about my own life now is that I straddle two worlds. One the one hand, I desperately want to focus on what really matters in life both now and in the bigger eternal picture. I want to be that person who is able to transcend the inanity of our culture and use the resources I have been so graciously given to do my part to somehow address the gross inequity that exists in our world today. I want to be the one who cares about what is close to God's heart - and we know that God cares about the poor, the needy, the lonely, the desperate. I guess that's my "good side", the part of me that has this "gnawing" in my heart about adopting another child even knowing what a headache the process was the first time around. That's the part of me that thinks all the time "But what about those that remain?" Now, on the other side, part of me seriously thinks about how I will need to get Botox in a few years because of the wrinkles on my forehead (I do live in California so you have to cut me some slack on this...) and how I really need to figure out a way to get rid of cellulite. (Ironic that we try to rid ourselves of weight in the US using every new fad diet under the sun while other parts of the globe lack the food tor survive). The other half of me is wrapped up in the trappings and pressures of my culture and is prone to waste time on things that are frankly - pointless, albeit sometimes amusing. I recently read a book called It's Not Okay With Me by Janine Maxwell. In it, she shares her story of leaving a successful marketing firm to head the group Heart for Africa. She was utterly compelled to recklessly abandon the life she had in lieu of something that she determined mattered more. However, even she writes in her epilogue about the fear of slipping back into one's own comfortable life upon a return from Africa. She writes: "No one who has gone to Africa ever wants to forget. We all get on a plane to come home and we make commitments...to do something for the beautiful people who welcomed us into their lives without hesitation or expectation. But we all get caught up in the distraction of "real lives". We so want to help the people we hold in our hearts, but their faces fade as they are replaced with the faces of people in our offices. The sight of their mud huts disappears as we frantically try to wash the dishes after a great dinner party or finish off the renovation on our own home. We thought the smiles on the little children could never be forgotten, but they too start to gray as we pick up our kids from piano lessons and drop them off at soccer. Before we know it, we too are saying it's okay that they are hungry and thirsty and have no clothes or parents or education or safe home. And before you know it, it will all fade to black." Now, Janine Maxwell is not an adoptive parent of an African child and her view may be a bit extreme. As an adoptive parent, having your own children come into your lives birthed out of the pain of an entire continent in jeopardy means that you have a very tangible reminder of the work that remains to be done. But even so, your own children very quickly become very "American". (Case in point: Junia recently put on a new shirt I got her and looked at me and said "This is a-dorable!" and ran to look at it in the mirror.)



Our girls are thriving and the temptation now is to pour all of our resources into these two children - the two that are now our own - having done our part to save the world. But, that just isn't enough for me and I'm still not sure what to do about it. As a bit of a visual example of the worlds I inhabit, above is a picture of me with my beautiful grandmother and my sister-in-law. My grandma has been a style icon her entire life and even now at 90, she looks amazing. On her own this year, she perused the Nordstrom catalog and found an amazing sexy pair of way-too-high high heels that she thought I just had to have for Christmas. They really are "a-dorable" and they will always remind me of her. I will add them to the shelves of shoes in my closet and wear them out on a special occasion. I don't need them but I have the luxury of owning them in the life I lead. And yet, below is other world I have foot in. I keep asking God to show me what he wants me to do about this world because these circumstances just aren't ok with me.